This week's question comes from Victor:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
I have a question.
I'm a 50 year-old male and becoming more and withdrawn moving further and further away from dating. Only last week, I had set up a date only to cancel. It's been years since I've been in a relationship with a woman.
At the rate I'm going, I'm clearly not going to get to married and yet there is certainly a side of me that wants to connect, although I'm moving in the complete opposite direction. I'm just so not sure that I'm cut out for marriage, which would be a huge tragedy.
I am becoming more and more withdrawn from family as well. It's all not good.
I guess I'm wondering whether you would suggest a good therapist or coaching. I must do something to radically change things up in a big way and in truth, am really not sure which way to proceed.
At the same time, I have a huge direction question life wise in terms of career and I think need a major overhaul. I'm a Scorpio, so I know the fighting spirit is there…I'm just not tapping into it.
Any thoughts or assistance you can provide would be awesome and most appreciated.
Thanks so much,
Thanks for reaching out to us. To be completely honest, part of the reason that we have chosen to respond to your question is the fact that you are a man in his 50's who wants a relationship!
You may be aware that we love to bust myths about love…and there is a myth around men and relationships, their age, etc. that the simple act of emailing us your question that you bust! We want women to know that men (even older men) want a relationship, marriage, and partnership.
What you’ve described is something we see in many of our clients, both men and women. You’re stuck and you don’t know the way out.
Discovering why you are stuck is the first step. Discovering Your Love Imprint™ (how you learned to receive love in your family of origin) and understanding the role it plays in keeping you stuck will change everything for you!
Start by looking at your biggest fears about relationship. For example:
Fear of abandonment.
Fear you will screw it up.
Fear that you are not lovable, etc.
Then work backwards to your family dynamic growing up. You are looking for a pattern or an event that clues you in to your deep-seated subconscious belief about love and relationships.
You stated that you’re “not sure you’re cut out for marriage.” Look at the deeper beliefs in this statement. We bet you could find evidence of its truth in your life.
Many times people get stuck because they have an internal double bind – two opposing beliefs that are at odds with each other. We believe this could be the case with you because you wrote about the side of you that wants to connect and your pattern of withdrawing from connection. These two parts are fighting with each other. and as long as these two parts are at odds with one another, you will feel stuck.
Resolving this internal double bind will free up a lot of energy as well as give you some direction moving forward.
The third thing that may be blocking you is unresolved negative emotion from the past. Removing the emotional charge that a past event (or events) will allow you to feel more confident in your ability to connect with others. This will have a positive effect on all of your relationships – family, potential romantic partners – everyone!
We want you to know that all of these issues are easily resolved. It is important that you approach your healing in the most effective and efficient way possible. Talking about the issues will give you some clarity and understanding, but will not achieve the change that you desire. The best way to have positive shifts that last is through accessing your subconscious beliefs that are the root of your behavior.
We do this everyday with our private clients. Helping them identify their Love Imprint, resolve double binds, and healing negative emotions is our specialty. We spent years searching for the most effective tools to change people’s lives and the success we have with our clients proves our tools our fast and effective.
An added bonus for our private clients is that we have the best tool for discovering and living your life purpose. (We share the details when we have determined that someone is a good fit for coaching with us.)
You can learn more by signing up for a strategy session and talking with us personally about how private coaching can transform your life and your relationships here: www.creatingloveonpurpose.com/privatecoaching
We look forward to being your guides to love!
Love and Abundance,