This week's question comes from Nilla
“Dear Orna and Matthew,
I receive your inspiring newsletters & every so often think seriously about not only why I am still single, 16 years now, but more importantly why I do not even attract or meet anyone!
Briefly, my background is: Married for 18 years, with 2 wonderful daughters. Then was in a relationship for 12 years, totally head over heels in love with my soul mate, and apparently he felt the same… then things became complicated with his children & ex wife.
Everyone has advice, where to go to meet single men, online etc, but it all feels unnatural. Have met lots of inappropriate matches.
For a long time it seemed to me that I wasn't meeting any men because it was all about not being ready, fear of having my heart broken again and the like!
Now I am 67yrs old I have stopped yearning for my soul mate and simply desire a compatible, like minded-mate, who becomes a good caring friend.
Being alone for so long does have its downside, but I also enjoy doing many things with my ‘self'.
Interestingly, my closest girl friends are very independent, solitary woman.
Any advice you can send will be most appreciated!
Thank you for your kind words and your question. We know that at times it can feel so difficult and hopeless and if we just lowered our expectations then we could get what we want.
We want you to know that this strategy isn’t going to get you what you want or leave you feeling happy. We’re sorry to be the bearers of this bad news, and we want you to know that there is good news for you too.
We recently had a woman in one of our programs who was 74 years old and in a similar situation as you. Currently she is dating and loving it, she has repaired her relationship with her adult daughter, and she is has the tools and resources to create as much love and happiness as she desires.
We share this story to give you hope. Hope that it is not too late for you. Hope is important because it can get you into taking action, and action is what we suggest for you.
However, the action we suggest has nothing to do with online dating or changing your wardrobe. The action we want you to take is to look at your “story” about love and begin the process of changing it. You think your story is your truth about love, but the Truth about love is that it is limitless and always available.
You were born as the physical embodiment of the energy of love. We all are born this way. We learn through our family of origin and our experiences that love is conditional and hard and causes us a lot of pain. Those experiences may have happened to you, but they are not TRUE.
Most people think that our experiences create our beliefs. Looking back on your life you can see a pattern, and when you look at that pattern you think that is why you believe what you believe. The truth is it happens the other way around. You start with a belief (that was created in early childhood) and you create experiences to reflect that belief back to you.
We call this Your Love Imprint® and it has been running the show in your intimate relationships your whole life. The actions we suggest you take is to discover Your Love Imprint® and begin the process of healing the childhood wounds that created it. This will get you on course to create love in a whole new way.
If you are someone who likes to do it yourself, we suggest you start with The Soulmate Shortcut™. This program is designed to guide you to discovering Your Love Imprint® and give you some tools to start dismantling this system that is running in your subconscious mind.
Only by taking what is unconscious and making it conscious can you create the kind of change you are looking for.
If you want our help, you can sign up for a Your Love Imprint® session and we will diagnose Your Love Imprint and give you some ideas on next steps for you.
Please keep us posted on your journey to love.
Love and Abundance,