This week's question comes from Yvonne:
“Hi Orna and Matthew!
I love your weekly Love Notes! They are so inspiring. Thanks for this opportunity to get your advice. I do have a question.
How can I stay with appreciation and value for myself and for the other person even when I’m triggered? I know my core wound is about my worth and not feeling valued. How do I stay open-hearted for my own good, and give this man the opportunity to win with me?
I do my best to stay positive and not let my triggered feelings to get in the way, but sometimes I can’t help it. I feel so bad when I act out this way.
And if he's not able to win with me, let him go… so this or better like I have learned with you.”
Thank you for your kind words and your question. This is an interesting question and one we hear a lot from our clients.
You must remember when you are triggered that you are no longer the one in control. “Little Yvonne” who still carries the wound of your childhood is now the one running the show. This is how Your Love Imprint® shows up in your relationships.
When you are triggered your logical/analytical mind is offline. Your reptilian survival mind is now running the show. From here it is impossible to stay with appreciation and value for yourself because you’ll be triggered into autopilot – which means your old strategies will kick in.
Too many spiritual people attempt to bypass their emotions and stay in the positive ultimately keeping them stuck. ALL of our emotions are worthy of being acknowledged and expressed. Yes, even the ones that leave you feeling badly.
The best way to appreciate and value you is to allow yourself the full range of human emotion. All of our feelings – the good, the bad, and the ugly – are part of being a human being. When we express our emotions and speak our authenticity then we are truly valuing ourselves.
It’s not that our emotions are everything. We don’t suggest that you demand that others see and acknowledge what you are feeling. Emotions are momentary, like ocean waves crashing against the beach. Allow yourself to feel your feelings and express them and then see the wave of emotion recede. This is the path to emotional mastery.
Your wounds are your wounds. He is not responsible for triggering your wounds. You are responsible for expressing yourself and asking for what you need.
When you do this it sends him an invitation to meet you at that high vibration of authenticity. If he is able to meet you there and express his truth, then you will experience true emotional intimacy. This is what our soul desires.
Expressing in this way will also give you more information about his ability to meet your needs. If he is able to see you and love you through this then you have met a good match for you. If he gets defensive, denies your emotional experience, or tries to minimize it, then you will need to re-evaluate the relationship.
As you wrote above staying unattached to whether or not he is the “one” by using the mantra, “This or better,” will allow you to evaluate whether he is an ideal match for you.
If you would like to discover the specific triggers in Your Love Imprint® and how this affects every part of your relationship – even who you find attractive – then join us for a Your Love Imprint® Session. During this session we will determine the specific language of Your Love Imprint® and share with you options on how to transform it with us as your guides.
You can get more information here Your Love Imprint® Session.
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,