This week's question comes from Angela:
Hi Orna Matthew,
I love the Love Note each week. They are beautiful notes which teach us how to live in everyday life. I appreciate it.
I like the concept of feminine and masculine energy. Society has mixed these up. I can feel that some men have the initiative energy and some men are weak in having the driving force.
I have some met some men on the internet recently. I wonder how I can balance this feminine energy and welcoming energy in terms of how soon and long I reply to them. I am a passive person. Also, I understand that email contact is not a relationship.
How can I reflect that feminine energy is a receptive energy, masculine energy the driving force through emails/online contacting?
Could you please help me understand how this works?
Thank you for your feedback! We love to hear how our notes are received from our community.
This is a great question, especially since so many of our readers are exploring online dating as a way to meet quality men. We understand how hard it can be. There are a lot of land mines in online dating and it seems like people behave in a much less civil way on the internet. Anonymity has a price.
The easiest way to reflect feminine/receptive energy through emails and online dating is to do what you would do in real life. First, have very specific criteria for what is acceptable behavior and don't bend those rules. This helps you weed out undesirable men. If the behavior is not acceptable to you in person, then it isn't acceptable online, no exceptions.
Use the online equivalent of a smile and sustained eye contact to get the attention of men you are interested in. Many sites have winks, pokes, flirts, etc that allow you to let a man know the water is warm without you having to start the conversation. When the conversation starts, be curious. Be curious about him and who he is. Asking questions is a receptive behavior, it allows the man to step up and work to impress you.
Also, be curious about yourself. How do you behave when you are really interested versus when you are not as interested? Do you behave differently or are you able to remain authentic? Notice if you find yourself twisting into a pretzel to get his attention.
We suggest that you do not allow the contact to move to the phone or offline too quickly. Get to know him and see if he is able to express who he is and what he wants by your exchanges online. There is no rush in finding out about a man, and if he gets impatient to move things forward that tells you a lot about who he is and how he will be in relationship. A quality man will wait if he is interested. If he isn't willing to take the time, then he isn't interested in a relationship with you, and ultimately is not the right man for you.
There is a narrow balance between not rushing to meet offline too quickly, and waiting too long to meet. Nothing is real until you meet face-to-face because you won’t know if there is chemistry until then. The idea is not to be too invested until you meet offline, and even then not for the first several dates. People show you who they are – believe them. Notice if you tend to make excuses for how a man is behaving early on, and justifying for him so you’ll continue to see him. The right man for you will show up as the right man – you won’t have the desire to change him.
If you do wish to be treated a certain way, this is the time to make a simple request. Orna said to Matthew after dating for a couple weeks, “I feel cherished when a man opens the car door for me. When we go out, would you make an effort to open the car door for me?”
If a man doesn't pursue you for a relationship, then he is not interested in having one with you. This doesn't mean he wouldn't be interested in sleeping with you if you pursue him. Most men will take you up on that, and let you do all of the work. So stop pursuing and let quality men step up to pursue you.
If you are generally passive be sure that your behavior matches your desire in relationship. Passive is fine as long as you are receptive and express how you feel. Passive is not okay if you expect that a man you are dating will read your mind. Communication is crucial and at the beginning of a relationship. You can teach someone how to treat you consciously, which means you make the effort to express your feelings – all of them, the good, the bad, and the uncomfortable.
Then pay attention to the response a man gives you…what happens then? When you share how you feel does he get critical? Does he agree? Disagree? Share his own feelings?
Pay attention to how you feel when he responds? What kind of inner dialog does he inspire in you? Are you kind to yourself? Do you begin to judge yourself?
The whole idea is for you to be authentic. Be yourself and remember that your Beloved will want you 100%!
The next step in this journey to love is to get clear on what you want your relationship to look like. It is important to know how you would like to feel with your soulmate.
Our program, Your Soulmate Blueprint®, guides you to discover what you truly value in intimate relationship and gives you the map to find a man who is a values match.
- Identify the patterns that your subconscious creates over and over again.
- Break free of the past hurts and disappointments.
- Be confident, and show up authentically to receive the love you most desire.
- Have clarity about what you truly want and discover how to create it!
This powerful life-changing program can be downloaded onto your MP3 Player, your computer or your other devices. It’s completely digital so you can receive it and get started immediately.
You can read more here.
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,