This week’s question comes from Tracy:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
I really love reading your newsletter. It gives me so much hope that I can figure out my crazy love life.
I’ve done a lot of work to identify my patterns and I hope you can help me break them. I feel like I push away good men because deep inside I don’t really love myself. Also, I stay too long with nice men who just aren’t right for me.
How do I figure out how to love myself more/enough such that I don’t continue to be stuck in this pattern? I am trying to say nice things to myself like, “I deserve love,” but it doesn’t seem to be making a difference.
Please share your thoughts and guidance”
We’re glad you enjoy our newsletter! We hope to be of service each week and we are grateful you’ve reached out to us.
Self-love is a key ingredient to lasting love, and one of the most important.
Our partners mirror our wounds back to us. These become our trigger points and the idea of being in a loving lasting partnership is so that we heal these wounds.
Noticing the patterns in our relationships brings clarity to what needs healing. Congratulations on being aware of where the problem is!
This awareness is great. It’s the first step to creating change. Without awareness, we cannot make any lasting changes in our lives. You could say that awareness puts you in the driver’s seat to transform your life for the better.
So let’s see if we can help you deepen your awareness and take you to the next step.
You wrote that you push away good men and that you also stay too long with men who aren’t right for you. Can you identify the difference between the men you push away, and the men that you are afraid to let go of?
Are you more attracted to the men who you push away?
Do you feel obligated to the men you stay too long with?
Our best guess with the little bit of information you shared with us is that you have deep seated fears about whether or not you are worth loving.
When we believe that we are not worth loving (another way of saying we don’t love ourselves), we can often struggle in the way you’ve described.
Learning to love and value yourself is not something that can be learned in a blog post or article. It is an ongoing daily practice.
Loving and valuing yourself is part of how you talk to yourself. It is part of the daily loving actions you take for yourself. It is also about learning to receive and believing that you are worthy to receive what you truly desire.
We believe that everyone is worthy of the love they want.
Unfortunately our emotional wounds (mostly from childhood) keep us from experiencing this universal truth. We end up blocking ourselves from the love we desire.
Your experiences as a young girl in your family of origin did not occur because there is something wrong with you, or because you’re not worth loving. Nor are these past events an indication of whether or not you deserve the love you want.
All parents do the best they can; unfortunately many do not have the capacity to love us the way we wanted to be loved. It is this disconnect that wreaks havoc on our ability to create the love we want as grown ups.
However, stepping up and doing the work to heal your wounds is the journey to truly loving yourself and experiencing soulmate love.
We know from our experience that this journey is not one you can do on your own. We didn’t do it on our own. We hired coaches and healers. We took workshops and studied transformational processes. We learned to heal ourselves with the help of many different masters.
It also took us each a very long time in a roundabout, trial and error fashion to get to our destination and create the relationship we have today.
That’s why we created a system that is a direct route for those who want to get to their Soulmate as fast as possible.
Because we’ve taken this journey, as well as lead thousands of others on it – we know that you can do it too!
If you are interested in getting from where you are now to your Soulmate as quickly as possible, we recommend our 7-module home-study program, The Science of Creating Love™.
The Science of Creating Love guides you to discover your past patterns, transform them, and then create a new vision of love so you can find your ideal match. This new vision is no longer tainted by your bad love strategies from the past. You will discover what it truly means to love and accept yourself too.
The Science of Creating Love™ is delivered weekly to your in-box, it is 100% digital (nothing will be shipped), and you can get started right now – even if it’s 3:00am. Order it here: www.TheScienceOfCreatingLove.com
Once you complete this journey you’ll never waste your time with men who aren’t a good match and you’ll be able to open up and receive love from the men who are.
Love and Abundance,