This week's question comes from Mary:
“Dear Orna and Matthew,
I’ve been following you for many years and I think you give the best dating advice for women. I really appreciate how you tell it like it is and share perspectives from the male side and the female side since you are a couple.
Lately, it’s becoming clear to me that I struggle in my love life because of my parents. It’s not that they were bad parents; it’s just that they didn’t make me a priority. Each was so busy with their careers, all the kids at home, and it was more like the Von Trapp family in the Sound Of Music before Maria came along.
I would watch that movie and longed for a Maria to show up and teach my family how to express their feelings and to know that I was loved. Everyone in my family has always made fun of me that I’m “too sensitive.” UGH! I really hate that.
Now that I’m a grown woman I panic a little inside whenever I’m really super attracted to a guy. Even if he does everything right, I am terrified that I will mess it up and he will end it.
What I’ve realized from listening to you two is that it’s not about finding the right man, it’s about becoming the right woman. How do I do that? How do I relax enough when I guy I like wants to get to know me so I can show up and feel something besides terrified?
I hope you can help me.”
Thank you so much for your thoughtful email and question. We can assure you that there is help for you, and you don’t have continue to feel terrified by men you think are hot.
The goal of course is for you to be in relationship with a guy you are attracted to! The issue is that what you desire and what is familiar are at odds inside of you.
This is a mismatch created by Your Love Imprint®. This system lives in your subconscious mind driving all of the choices you make in your love life. It was created in your family of origin when you were very young.
Right now, the feeling of love is associated with the events you experienced in your childhood. Feeling like an outsider, that no one gets you, that you’ll be teased if you show your authentic self, told you are too sensitive, and on and on and on.
The real kicker about this is that your big beautiful brain – the prefrontal cortex part – the part that thinks it’s running the show cannot create change in the subconscious mind.
Our subconscious mind is what holds all the things we’ve learned to do and it just runs those programs on autopilot. The conscious mind is designed to evaluate and judge. Then it uses that information to solve problems and create systems in a logical and linear format.
The thing is that your emotions are NOT a problem to solve. Your emotional life is not a logical or linear system. Whoops! Here’s the where the mismatch is evident…
What you desire in love, is not a match to what your subconscious knows. Darn, right?
In order to re-wire your brain for love (soul-satisfying, long-lasting love) these two parts of you must come into alignment.
The Good News:
Just like any transformation, this is a process that occurs over a relatively short period of time if you work with a skilled practitioner who knows exactly what to do.
The Bad News:
On your own, you can spend years spinning your wheels, thinking and thinking and thinking about what you’d like to change with very little to show for it.
If you’re ready to make this change for yourself so you can exercise your free will choice when it comes to selecting a partner than we have just the program for you: The Science Of Creating Love™ – Home Study Course.
This 7-module course is our most extensive of our digital programs. It walks you through multiple processes to create the change you are specifically asking about. In fact, it is so comprehensive – you receive each module once a week.
Each module of The Science Of Creating Love™ comes with an audio, transcript, and workbook so that you can set yourself up for success in love. We recommend taking this course as if you are in a classroom setting and set aside 90 minutes once a week to go through the program.
We can assure you that you won’t feel the same way after this program! As a matter of fact, we would bet that how you feel with the Hot Guy will be that more relaxed version of you so you can really evaluate if he is an ideal match for you, or not.
It’s just as important to select someone in the dating process as it is to deselect someone and know that they are not right for you. This is the kind of clarity that comes through this intensive program.
Plus, there is so much more that you will receive with the entire 7-module course!
Want to know more? Go to: www.TheScienceOfCreatingLove.com
We are here to be your guides to love!
Love and Abundance,