This week’s question comes from Missy:
Orna and Matthew,
I have been following you two for years, reading your newsletter and listening to your teleclasses and I find that I’m in the position to really need your help. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and about six months ago he left.
After all that we shared together, he broke up with me and I felt truly devastated. I am a successful woman with a great career, kids from a previous marriage, and a full life. I thought he was the guy… and then he broke my heart.
My question comes from the fact that now he’s back. He wants me back and I feel torn… do I take him back? How will I know he would never do this to me again?
Please help, I’m really confused and I don’t know whether to listen to my head or my heart.
We are so sorry to hear about the pain you’re in. Thank you for being so vulnerable with our Love On Purpose™ community.
From the outside this does seem like the ultimate dilemma. Yet we know that you have everything you need inside of you – including all the answers.
For one thing, if this man has left you before, you don’t know that he won’t leave you again. That’s the painful truth of the consequences of his actions.
Our hope is to bring you clarity so you can know what criteria to use to select an ideal match for you.
We find that most people are using the wrong criteria when selecting a mate. Attraction and chemistry play a role (which we call Your Love Imprint™ match) and too much emphasis is placed on compatibility.
Some dating coaches claim to have the secret to “Get him back and to commit to you for good!”, or want you to throw out chemistry and settle for less than what your heart desires.
No one can give you a “secret” that will get a man to commit to you. It’s not a secret at all – a man will commit to a woman when he ready to share his life with someone and he feels needed by a woman who he finds attractive. (There are other nuances, we are simply going with broad strokes here.)
There are a number of women in the Mid-West and in California that labeled Matthew as “Commitment Phobic.”
This makes Orna laugh… mostly because Matthew pursued her for a relationship from the moment they talked one-on-one for the first time.
It was the easiest, most drama-free, zero struggle relationship beginning either one of us ever had!
If this sounds appealing to you, then you have a choice:
1. Give up on the details of how love is to be delivered to you. Release the need, and kill the hope that this man (who has broken your heart) is your Beloved.
2. Or continue to question, struggle with your mind and heart through attempting to make a logical decision and give your power away to this man who will either step up for you… or not.
We don’t want to sound harsh, and we are truly delivering this choice to you with our heart’s full with love for you to take your power back.
Just because you give up on this man right now, and kill the hope, doesn’t mean you won’t ever be together. Doing that will allow you to come at the relationship with a whole new perspective – one that will serve you in the bigger picture of your entire life!
How someone behaves informs you about who they are (and what they are capable of).
How you respond to their behavior informs you about yourself.
Yes, you have invested a lot of time with this man, however, you are not the one who walked away – HE DID!
The only way for you to know if he is “The One” is to set yourself free by giving up and killing the hope with him.
By doing the inner work to free yourself from Your Love Imprint™ chemistry and connection with him, you will end up with a transformed Love Imprint – one that will highlight NEW MEN in the world for you!
If this man is your Beloved, you will come together on the other side – once you have shifted and removed the blocks that are keeping you stuck right now.
You might find that you no longer want him.
Instead, someone like Matthew may show up in your life… the man who may have been commitment phobic with other women, but is stepping up to claim you!
The best part is, on the other side, you will know how to choose a mate based on that man being a Values Match for you!
A common goal is the glue that holds people together all around the globe: in business, in communities, in organizations, and in relationship!
If you would like to do this inner work with us as your guides we recommend our 7-module home-study program, The Science of Creating Love™.
The Science of Creating Love guides you to discover your past patterns, transform them, and then create a new vision of love so you can find your ideal match. This new vision is no longer tainted by your bad love strategies from the past. You will discover how to choose a man who will stand by you no matter what.
The Science of Creating Love™ is delivered weekly to your in-box, it is 100% digital (nothing will be shipped), and you can get started right now – even if it’s 3:00am. Order it here: www.TheScienceOfCreatingLove.com
Once you complete this journey you’ll never waste your time with men who abandon you and you’ll be able to open up and receive love from the men who are ready to commit.
Love and Abundance,