This week's question comes from Veronica:
Hi Orna and Matthew,
I hope you can give me some advice to help me!
I have been single and without a relationship for the last 8 years (since my divorce).
Sometimes I really feel alone and it is getting sad. 🙁 I am 36 now and don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.
I don’t know what to do. I am pretty, smart, and kind but I don’t know what else to do.
Thanks for your comments and your help.
This is a pretty big question and seeing as you didn’t give us much information we’ll have to cover a lot of ground. We want to start by saying that 36 is still really young. We didn’t meet and get married until we were both over 40 and we’ve worked with clients all the way up into their 70’s. Love does not have an expiration date.
Let’s get started. First you’ll want to make sure that you have emotionally moved on from your divorce. We know it’s been 8 years, but did you really take time to mourn the end of the relationship? Are you aware of your role in the break-up and have you done the work to forgive yourself?
To create long-lasting, soul-satisfying love you have to be free of the past; free from the hurt, anger, and sadness of your past relationships. It is also really helpful if you’ve taken time to learn from your past mistakes so that you don’t repeat them.
Now that you’re free from your divorce, do you really know what you want? We’re not talking about a list of qualities that the guy you’re looking for has. That list will only get in the way. We mean do you know how your ideal relationship will function? Are you clear on your values in intimate relationship?
Most people are trying to create something new in reaction to their past. The last guy was an alcoholic … better make sure the next one is not an addict. Your ex didn’t communicate with you … better find a man who knows how to communicate.
The problem with this approach is that it keeps you stuck in the past. Your choices are still filled with the old negative emotions that were part of your failed relationships.
The key is to release the old emotions and create from a clean slate. What does your soul really desire? How will you show up more authentically next time?
Now that you are clear on what you want, do you know how to date to find the kind of man you’re looking for? Obviously you’ll have to use the available tools – online dating sites, dating apps, meet-up groups, etc. But do you know how to use these tools effectively?
Many women are looking for their soulmate in an online profile. You are not going to find him that way. You have to meet people in person. Create your dating rules so that you can avoid the time wasters and scammers and set-up regular dates with men who are looking for a relationship.
And while you’re dating, you’ll want to brush up on your communication skills. Get really good at speaking how you feel, showing up authentically, and making requests. A man who is interested in you wants to know how to win with you. Do you know how to tell him?
We know this sounds like a lot, but if you break it down into manageable steps you can spend Valentine’s Day 2019 with your Beloved.
If you want our help in walking through these steps, you’ll want to check our online program, The Science of Creating Love™. This 7-module program walks you through all the steps we’ve described above plus a lot more tools for long-lasting love.
Each module contains a minimum of two guided processes which work to bring your subconscious on board with your conscious desires, so that you become a powerful creator. This program will guide you through all 3 phases of the transformation – identifying and transforming your blocks to love, stepping into your authentic self, and the creation phase.
You can learn more about The Science of Creating Love™ here.
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,