This week's question comes from Kathy:
Hello Orna and Matthew,
Rhonda Britten would say synchronicity… I am not sure. I have gone to Rhonda's fearless living seminar a year ago at Kripalu, loved it, did her 12 module/week fearless living workshop with a coach, Larissa. So many things have changed for me in the year. I went back again this past weekend.
I open my email this morning, and I have a newsletter from you! I must have gotten on your list somehow through something in my journey this year.
I am working on it, and still working with Larissa. But during this weekend at Kripalu, Rhonda brought up relationships a few times, and she brought up things that her friends ‘Orna and Matthew” say. I wrote that down thinking maybe you can be of some help, thinking I might have heard of these names before but not sure.
I admit, today was the first time I read your newsletter, and I saw the link about asking any question you want.
Here is my problem… I have dated one person, twice, 6 years after my divorce, I was spooked. I have now dated 4 different people (one was a repeat, 2nd date) in the past two months. I have been divorced 10 years and it has been 4 years since that first date after divorce.
I do not know the first thing about dating or finding people to date! I have mentioned to all friends and family I am ready if they know someone, my work organization is a mere 50 people and no one available my age that I am attracted to. I tried match.com and hired someone to help me with my profile, not much luck there, and I joined lunch dates which is a personal matchmaker – this is where I went on the 4 dates from. I am not getting far with the matchmaker they do not have a large enough pool.
What do I do next… I do NOT go to bars. I tried some classes for fun thinking some day I will just trip over someone, but the classes I like are mostly made up of women, art classes, cooking etc.
What steps can I take, what can I do to meet more men?
After reading your newsletter and hearing Rhonda, I am wondering if I need help in this area from you? Do you have any on line courses or readings or somewhere you can point me to help a 47 year old divorced mom of young adults even get out there to find people?
Thanks in advance, I hope to hear from you.
Thank you for your email and your question/s about getting out there again. It’s a problem for many who feel they are starting over again in the dating world, and quite frankly can also be a problem for some who have been dating for decades.
We are so grateful that you shared about your experience with Rhonda Britten. Rhonda is not only a colleague, she is a dear friend, and we are thrilled to know the synchronicity of you “finding” our newsletter again after hearing about us from her at Kripalu.
Now let’s really dig in to what may be in your way “out there” in the dating world.
We are thrilled to hear that you’ve been doing a lot of personal growth work over the past year – fantastic! Only good can come of investing in yourself. You will never depreciate in value.
The “secret” to creating a true soul partnership is that you connect with your Beloved on the path to your highest and best self. It sounds like you’ve taken huge strides in that direction. Brava!
Now here’s where we see the problem – the part of you that is making the selection of who is a match or not is Your Love Imprint™. This is how love is defined to your subconscious mind and it comes from your family of origin.
Putting yourself “out there” is not the answer because the blocks in Your Love Imprint™ will keep you from even seeing your Beloved, much less identifying him as your match.
Too much focus is put on WHERE to meet men and that is actually not the problem. Men are everywhere. It’s WHO you are being and how your selection process is not working in your favor.
We hear all the time from our clients how they’ve tried online dating and how it didn’t work, and how messed up it is, and sometimes we have to remove their blocks to online dating to just get them to give it another go – AFTER their Love Imprint has been transformed.
We just hung up with a private client who is nearing the end of her coaching package with us and during the check-in at the start of the session she was giggling like a school-girl sharing that she has a bunch of dates this next week and how men EVERYWHERE are asking her out. The joy and ease of the dating process was palpable in her tone and choice of words.
Think of it this way, if you walk into a room of a few hundred people (that you’ve never met before), you know that there are some people in the room you will connect with. You’ll connect eyes and smile, and with some of those a conversation will ensue – a connection made!
Now think of all those other people in the room – the majority of them. You know that they are there, but they are not highlighted. They do not stand out. They are like the extras in your own personal movie.
The part of you that decides who stands out and who doesn’t – that’s your subconscious at work, and it is using strategies that have been in place since you were a very young girl.
Move this concept into the dating world, and that’s like having a three-year-old select who is a good date and who is not.
Most people are leaving their love lives on autopilot and the system at the helm is Your Love Imprint™. This is what is happening with you.
The problem is not outside of you Kathy – it’s not about where to meet men. Men are literally EVERYWHERE. By seeing the “problem” as something that is within you, that actually puts you in the position to change it!
We do have a number of ways that we can support you in the process of identifying and transforming Your Love Imprint™. Everything from Private Coaching, to our signature program The Science Of Creating Love™, to our eBook and audio The Soulmate Shortcut™.
All of our programs and products deal with the very same issue – the blocks in Your Love Imprint™. Every. Single. One.
Each product and program will go at it a slightly different way, because there is no one-size-fits-all. Every person’s subconscious is wired differently because Your Love Imprint™ is shaped by family of origin, past experiences, and beliefs.
As human beings we are complex. So the honest truth is we do not know from your email to us exactly what your blocks to love are. What we do know is that our products and programs can support you in getting the love you want.
If you would like us to be your guides to love, we will gladly take that on. How we do that is entirely up to you. Take a look at our products, programs, and private coaching and decide which is the right fit for you.
Love and Abundance,