This week's question comes from Robin:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
I am so tired of dating! I’ve been divorced for 10 years and dating for the last 6 or so and I can’t find any quality men. They are either bitter from their divorces, they don’t want to actually be in a relationship, or they’re just emotionally unavailable.
Where are all the conscious men who are actually looking for love that you talk about? I only seem to meet the losers!
The problem is I really want to find a good man. I dream of living my life with my soulmate and I yearn to find a man who wants what I want. I’m getting frustrated and some days just want to give up.
We hear you. Dating can be so frustrating. We also know that you can find the love you want with the man you love.
We know this because we’ve seen it happen for so many of our clients. Some of them from small southern towns, others from places like New York, London, and Los Angeles. They range in age from their mid 20’s to their mid 70’s. And ALL of them are women who are committed to their own growth and desired to be in a relationship with a man who shared their values.
We know it because of the few male clients who chose to coach with us who are also committed to Creating Love On Purpose®.
The problem isn’t finding “quality men,” or “conscious men,” or even “good men.” This way of thinking assumes that men segregate themselves into groups of “good men” and “bad men.” It assumes that there are places that you can find a higher congregation of “good men.”
The truth is men who are relationship-ready are mixed in with all the other men. You can find them at a bar on a Sunday afternoon watching football. You can find them in your church or spiritual center. You can find them on dating sites. You can find them at your neighborhood coffee house.
There isn’t some secret location where the evolved male hangs out. And these kinds of men aren’t unique. They aren’t some kind of mythical unicorn that is impossible to find.
It is time to stop looking for quality men or conscious men or whatever you want to call them. You only need to find one man; one man who wants a relationship with you, who you find attractive, and who shares your values. That’s it. Just one.
The key is to focus on him. Get a clear picture of who he is. And we don’t mean create an impossible list that focuses on external characteristics like how much money he makes, how tall he is, or whether he wants to go to your yoga class.
Focus on the dynamic between the two of you. Focus on what he values. Focus on how he makes you feel. These are the qualities that will lead to lasting love.
Also, focus on what is blocking you from seeing him. We guarantee that this man lives in your town (or near your town). You just can’t see him. He is a negative hallucination; he is right in front of you and you just don’t see him.
The reason you can’t see him is because of your subconscious beliefs around love. Clearly part of you believes that the love you want is unavailable to you or you wouldn’t be experiencing so much struggle.
Do some digging and see what beliefs you have that are blocking you from love. Are you still holding onto anger and resentment from your divorce? Is there some subconscious programming from your childhood that leads you to believe that you don’t deserve the love you want? Do you believe that what you desire doesn’t exist? Or do you believe you would have to compromise too much to be in another relationship?
These questions will guide you to discover the real reason you are struggling. We’ve seen it in every client we’ve ever worked with. Dig deep enough and you’ll find what is in your way.
If you want a more structured approach to discovering your subconscious blocks to love as well as time tested tools for overcoming them, then check out our program The Soulmate Shortcut™.
The Soulmate Shortcut™ is our DIY program for discovering your hidden subconscious blocks to love and transforming them. You’ll also discover some of our best tips and tools for finding Soulmate Love. You can learn all about it by watching a video here: www.TheSoulmateShortcut.com.
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,