What is relationship compatibility and is it contradictory to the idea that opposites are attracted to each other? As you search for your soulmate should you focus on compatibility or on differences? What truly makes for a happy relationship?
Most dating sites use an algorithm that matches you with people who have similar interests as you. It’s common for people to end up in relationship with someone who is the same race, economic, or educational background. Are these the characteristics you should focus on?
When it comes to lasting love there is something more powerful going on when you look at how attraction and relationship compatibility work together.
Similar interests and backgrounds can be helpful in feeling a sense of comfort with your partner, but don’t really help determine whether or not the relationship can last. Having similar interests with someone (or even a similar temperament) is a recipe for a friendship. Relationship compatibility requires an understanding of how opposing energies work together to create a satisfying whole.
The Dance Of Relationship
One of the most important differences that makes a relationship work is the dance of masculine and feminine energy. A healthy relationship has a balance of these two energies that are responsive to each other, not in opposition.
Relationship compatibility comes down to finding your energetic opposite.
Two masculine energies together create a competitive relationship. Two feminine energies create a reciprocal relationship. Only with a masculine energy and a feminine energy do you experience romance and intimacy together. This is true even for same-sex couples.
It doesn’t matter which person in the couple has the more masculine energy and which person has the more feminine energy for this dynamic to work. A more masculine woman who takes control can be very happy with a more feminine male who is comfortable being the receptive one in the relationship.
This dance of masculine and feminine energy is necessary for relationship compatibility. A more masculine female with a more masculine male will create too much competition. A more feminine female with a more feminine male will not create any sexual energy. When these energies are balanced the dance can feel effortless between the two of you.
Relationship Compatibility And Your Personality
Another area where opposing energies can create relationship compatibility comes from a particular aspect of your personality – whether you are introverted or extroverted. While relationships between two extroverts or two introverts can work for a while, lasting love comes when these opposite energies come together.
The extrovert provides energy and a desire to connect while the introvert grounds that energy and creates a home base for the couple. It is important to understand and value the benefits each partner brings to the energetic exchange in order for harmony to exist.
Two extroverts can end up competing for attention and drive a wedge between the couple. Two introverts may lack the energy to address issues between the couple and allow them to drift apart. When the introvert appreciates the energy and excitement that the extrovert brings and the extrovert appreciates the peace and quiet that the introvert covets then there will be a harmonious dance between the two.
Relationship Compatibility And Your Heart Archetype™
The Heart Line in the palm of your hand reveals how you are oriented in your relationships. Scientific, non-predictive palmistry looks at how your mental/emotional patterns affect the quality of the lines in your palms. Your heart lines don’t predict how many times you’re going to be married or for how long.
Instead, Your Heart Archetype™ is an indication of your requirements in intimate relationship, and other behaviors when your heart is invested.
Some heart line types indicate that you have a “You First” orientation with your romantic partner, and some indicate a “Me First” orientation. The “You First” people tend to think of their partner first, while the “Me First” types tend to think of their own needs first before their partner’s.
This doesn’t mean that one type is more altruistic, and the other more selfish. Instead, it shows how a person is wired and where their focus and attention goes first – whether you put your focus on your partner’s needs before your own, or whether you understand that you have to take care of yourself before you can be of service to your partner.
Two “You First” people in relationship can work, but it could be hard to make decisions as a couple because both of you will be deferring to the other. Two “Me First” people will likely struggle as a couple because they may both value their freedom over connection to make it last.
When there is a balance of “You First” and “Me First” then true relationship compatibility exists as the two can be in harmony with each other. The key for relationship compatibility is to understand how your heart is oriented in relationship and to communicate your needs to your partner.
Mutual Respect Is The Key To Navigating Your Differences
When you approach the differences between you and your partner with respect, then you can create a lasting, loving partnership. Most people like discovering the differences early on in the Romance Phase of a relationship, but when the chemical high wears off they become annoyed by those same differences.
Each partner in a relationship has specific strengths and weaknesses. Putting your focus on discovering and understanding your differences allows you to create a solid foundation where you can each contribute to the life you create together. Learn to appreciate how your partner handles certain tasks or situations more effectively than you do.
Relationship compatibility comes together when those differences are actually complementary strengths. The complementary parts create a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts. (This doesn’t mean that you aren’t a whole and complete being on your own.) Deferring to one another’s strengths allows you to create magic together creating harmony in your home that will last for decades.
This mutual respect combined with allowing your partner the freedom to be who they are without needing to change creates a synergistic love. The two of you are truly capable of taking on the world by making it a better place and by being able to navigate through the challenging times together.
Navigating The Stages Of Relationship
Relationship compatibility requires that the two of you are truly committed to creating a healthy, lasting, loving partnership. Part of the journey is understanding the 5 stages of relationship and how they affect your interactions over time.
The first stage of relationship is the Romance Stage. The Romance Stage is when the two of you are falling in love and your brains are literally being flooded with feel-good chemicals. Most people are on their best behavior during the Romance Stage and haven’t yet revealed all of their personality. The longer the Romance Stage the better chance a relationship has of surviving as this stage puts gas in the tank of the relationship.
The second stage of relationship is the Power Struggle Stage. The Power Struggle occurs when the chemicals have begun to wear off and what was initially exciting about that other person becomes annoying. This is also when people begin revealing more of their true selves having relaxed into the relationship.
Most relationships end because the couple is unable to navigate through the Power Struggle. This is why the fantasy of finding a partner where there will be zero conflict is an unrealistic expectation.
You can overcome the Power Struggle when you stop fighting for your way and instead fight for the relationship. This switch is what creates the third stage of relationship, the Stability Stage. Couples begin to put aside ego desires and learn to appreciate the strengths and weaknesses of their partner.
The fourth stage of relationship is the Commitment Stage. This is when a couple is truly ready to make a lifelong commitment to one another. The Commitment Stage happens because you decide to accept your partner as is without needing him/her to change. This Commitment Stage comes long after exclusivity and much later than most couples wait as they rush toward engagements and weddings while still in the earlier relationship stages.
The fifth stage of relationship is the Bliss or Co-Creation Stage. This stage is when the couple is ready to create something larger than just the two of them, and more meaningful in the world. This is when most couples decide to create a family together, or in older couples, they decide to create something that affects their world around them like a business, charity work, or some other philanthropic cause they both believe in.
Having Shared Values Is The Similarity You Really Need
People with different energies, interests, or strategies can navigate the pitfalls of relationship when they share the same values. Sharing what is truly important in life is the glue that will get you through any difficulties.
Whether you are raising children together, working in a business, or just creating a shared life, if you don’t have the same values then conflicts will reveal a deeper rift between the two of you. This doesn’t mean that you share the same strategies for handling difficulties. It means that when it comes down to it you value the same things.
Opposites do attract but true relationship compatibility happens when you understand and appreciate what is different between you and your partner and you defer to one another’s strengths. This dance of relationship may not always be smooth, but it is beautiful in its complexity. Deep intimacy and connection develop over time as you gain mutual respect and admiration for your partner and how he/she can enhance your life.
Having trouble finding a life partner to share your life with? Or perhaps things are out of whack in your current relationship? If so join our Facebook Group “Common Sense About Love.” In this group, we host special events and you’ll receive exclusive access to us and a supportive community, all devoted to the idea of creating lasting love.
Orna and Matthew Walters are TV’s favorite dating and relationship experts. They uncover subconscious blocks to love so that you can select an ideal partner to share your life with. Follow them on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.