This week’s question comes from Rebecca:
“Hey Orna and Matthew,
I just love you two! You’re always sharing the best of the best through your own experience and with your clients. I find it refreshing and truly awesome.
I hear from all over the place about “love blocks.” I’ve heard them called road blocks, subconscious blocks, blocks you’re not aware of, blocks to love, etc.
It appears there are all kinds of solutions to these blocks from having conversations with your parents (if they are alive), getting closure from speaking with an ex, to writing things down and burning them, etc.
What’s the deal with these so-called blocks? How can I get rid of something I’m not even aware of?
Is there really something inside of me that keeps me from the love that I want? I really do want to share my life with someone – not just anyone… I want what you two have.
Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you’ve been poking around the Internet reading and searching for answers. Sometimes asking “Dr. Google” can just make your head spin, and sometimes that’s the perfect place to find answers to your questions. It sounds like your current experience is the former.
It’s true, all the Love Coaches seem to discuss Love Blocks in one way or another and yes, you can be blocking yourself from the love you want.
We can’t comment on what other coaches do, but we can share with you what we mean about the importance of identifying your patterns in relationship as those lead you to discovering your subconscious blocks.
The subconscious mind is tasked with the primary function of keeping you alive – that’s it. In today’s modern world, great love is not required to survive.
We do understand your drive to have soul-satisfying, long-lasting love.
When we’re born until about 8-9 years old there is no separation between the conscious and subconscious mind. This is not a literal, or anatomical thing; it’s all in the way the mind functions.
Our early life experiences are essentially written on the hard-drive of the mind – the subconscious. After age 8-9, there is a change in how the mind works and there is filter that keeps our daily experiences up in the big prefrontal cortex where we can analyze and dissect things. At this age learning in schools shift from simply memorizing through repetition to higher learning skills that require analysis.
If you’ve ever heard the saying, “You can’t reason with a 4-year old” we want you to know that is a literal truth. A 4-year old doesn’t have the capacity to reason.
After this point in life (8-9 years old) the only way to circumvent the filter of the analytical mind without working with a professional who knows how, is through ecstatic or traumatic experiences.
If you did not receive the kind of love you desire in your family of origin – then what you desire is not familiar to you or to your subconscious. So the love you want is not at all familiar to the part of you that is driving your behavior and creates attraction with one person over another.
We are attracted to people and situations that are familiar whether or not we are aware of this process or not. You may not understand how your body regulates your blood pressure, yet it happens each day.
Familiar experiences occur over and over with regularity. So the more we do something, the more we’re drawn to do those things again and again.
It’s the rare person who is drawn toward change – most people avoid it like the plague.
When we discuss what we call subconscious blocks to love we are referring to the limiting beliefs, mental/emotional patterns, and behavioral strategies you learned in your family of origin around giving and receiving love.
These patterns and limiting beliefs were learned at one time, but now just operate on autopilot – like driving a car, or how you tie your shoelaces.
If you’ve ever discovered that you’re basically attracted to the same kind of guy – where his face is different, the details are slightly different, but the relationship is like a lather, rinse, repeat of your past relationships – this is exactly what we are talking about.
The thing about the subconscious mind is that it doesn’t understand English, or French, or Swahili – it has a language all it’s own made up of symbol, image, story, and metaphor.
Any person who tells you that subconscious patterns and blocks can be changed by having a conversation with another person is flat out lying. They have zero training in working with the subconscious mind and quite frankly, are trying to get you to buy into whatever it is they are selling.
If you remember your dreams after you wake they show how the subconscious mind works and the language it understands. The people and events of your dreams are not real; they are metaphors your subconscious is using to work things out.
The subconscious drives our behavior in the same way a computer runs a particular program. X happens and you respond with Y behavior – it seems as if that behavior just magically occurred. It was the program that you have stored to respond in that particular way.
Working with the subconscious mind as a tool to create transformation we can create change for our clients quickly. Beliefs, emotional triggers, and behaviors that have been present for decades can fall away in a few short months.
Ultimately, our coaching system puts our clients back in their power because they have the ability to make a new choice. They have options for their behavior so all kinds of opportunities open up to them.
To answer your question about what can you do about something that you’re not even aware of, here is our suggestion: Start by writing out the history of your past relationships (who pursued who, what did you fight about, who ended the relationship, what is the primary negative emotion attached to the break-up, etc.) and see if you can discover your relationship patterns and your triggers.
Once you discover the pattern from your past relationships, it ought to be easy to connect the dots and recognize your blocks to love. Your awareness of your subconscious blocks to love will point you in the direction of doing things differently in the future.
Let us know what you discover!
We are here to be your guides to long-lasting love.
Love and Abundance,