This week's question comes from Beth:
Hi Orna and Matthew,
I have a question for you as I’m really starting to see things differently since I started listening to you talk about how to create love.
After my divorce I got really clear on the kind of person I wanted to be in relationship with, I made ‘The List.’ Soon after I met a man who was an exact fit to my list. He even drove the kind of car I had written down!
I was truly amazed that this seemed to work! Exactly the kind of man I described in my list was now in my life and pursuing me for a relationship. After 6 months he proposed and I said ‘Yes!’ I really thought I had things figured out.
During the process of planning a wedding some big red flags were raised, and to make a long story short, I ended it. It became clear to me that he and I were not the kind of match I was looking for.
To be completely honest, I feel stuck now. I don’t know what to do to attract in the kind of man I want to be with long-term. I feel like I did something right to have made a list and had that exact guy show up for me… and yet I still didn’t get what I truly wanted.
Can you help? What am I doing wrong?
Thank you for sharing so much about what you’ve been through and asking for help. Your situation is one we have heard many times, with small variations of course. The details are often different, yet the feeling stuck is the same.
We can guess that you are good at manifesting what you want. The fact that you made a list describing the man you want and that he showed up let’s us know that you are likely really good at getting some of the things you want – exactly – and then other things feel elusive.
Additionally, we’d guess that you have been really good at creating a great career for yourself doing something that you really love to do. For most people who manifest easily, the job/career thing seems much easier than the love/relationship part of their life.
The truth is that you are not doing anything “Wrong.” You simply haven’t learned how to manifest what you truly want because you didn’t get clear on what is truly important to you.
When you are with your Beloved – do you think it matters what kind of car he drives? Or how tall he is? Or even how much money he makes?
It sounds to us like what you drew in was a man who had outward qualities that you imagined you would like, yet you didn’t get clear on the kind of RELATIONSHIP you truly want. This man was likely a Love Imprint Match™ so you found him attractive, yet it didn’t last.
The single determining factor in having a relationship last is that you select someone who holds the same VALUES as you. When you are a Values Match, then the two of you can weather any storm because you ultimately want the same things out of life.
The tricky things about Values are that you cannot ask someone about what they value. Well, you can ask, however, you will receive a skewed response. People value what they spend their resources on – time, money, and energy.
If someone says they value Family – yet they never talk with the people in their family, or don’t make time to see family – they are not telling the truth. We discover someone’s values the more we spend time with them. It is truly a Discovery Process.
Are you clear on your own values? What about the vision of your ideal relationship? Without a face or idea of who the person is – just the RELATIONSHIP itself.
We would guess again that the answer is No.
When you gain clarity on the relationship you desire, then it will be much more likely that you can create it. You’ll be able to date like a grown up and select or deselect someone through the dating process based on if he is a match for you or not.
If you want to walk yourself through the process of getting clear on the vision of the relationship you desire you can do that through our program Your Soulmate Blueprint™.
This digital program will take you through the process step-by-step that we do with our private clients on how to really gain clarity on the most important part of the manifestation process – what you really truly want!
Your Soulmate Blueprint™ is an audio program that is delivered digitally right to your computer complete with a workbook too. You can think of it as a DIY program for creating your soulmate.
Love and Abundance,