This week’s question comes from Laura:
“Hello Orna & Matthew,
I’m confused by a man I met online a while ago. I wonder what are his intentions for me? How do I even ask about his intentions?
We met on a dating site and he’s an attorney who lives in Michigan, while I live in Indiana.
We exchanged pictures and talked for a few weeks. I felt we had a strong connection and I really thought he could be my soulmate. He talked about driving to meet me, but to make a long story short, it never happened. I didn’t hear from him again until December last year.
He says he wishes he had made the trip, apologizes, and tells me how much he looks at my pictures, and comments on how beautiful he thinks I am, my sweet voice, and so forth.
Lately, he is asking if he can come visit me. I really want to find my soulmate to go through life with. What signs should I be looking for that he could be my soulmate?
Can you please offer some insight?”
Thank you for your email. You want to know what are his intentions and what are the signs that he could be your soulmate.
We’re going to break this down into two sections so that we can dig deep into your questions. First, let’s look at what are his intentions.
Your Soulmate Will Make His Intentions Clear By His Actions
While he professes his love for you over the phone and via email, his actions are sending you the opposite message. He has made zero effort to come and see you. Has he made an effort to show you that things have changed and he’s willing to do what you need to make it up to you?
If you have to ask what his intentions are then they are not clear to him either. You don’t need to go looking for soulmate signs. It isn’t a mystery that you need to unravel in order to understand his intentions.
People make mistakes and it’s okay to overlook them when an effort is made to make amends. Offering you words rather than actions is quite troublesome and seems insincere.
Your soulmate will be congruent in his words and his actions. He will make his intentions clear every step of the way. If you are asking “what are his intentions?” because his actions don’t match his words, then it is clear that he is not your soulmate.
Your Soulmate Will Pursue You For A Relationship
If you’re looking for a sign that he is your soulmate, then ask yourself if he is pursuing you with the intention of being in a relationship with you. He will ask you out. He will move the relationship forward. He will make future plans with you. He will include you in his day-to-day life.
He will want to take you off the market and claim you as his own. He won’t be wishy-washy. If his intentions are a mystery, then he isn’t available for a relationship. He could be lonely and wanting emotional intimacy, but if he isn’t pursuing you, then he is looking for companionship (or in this case possibly a pen-pal), not a more serious relationship.
Your Soulmate Will Follow Through
Your biggest concern is that this man didn’t follow through on his desire to see you in person. He is expressing regret for not taking action, but is he doing anything to make it up to you?
Your soulmate will follow through on what he says he’s going to do. He will communicate clearly and have solid reasons if he is unable to follow through on his plans. He will do what it takes to make it up to you and go above and beyond.
Is this the kind of man you’re looking for? If you just want some company then it is easy to settle for men who don’t follow through. But you said you are looking for your soulmate. A soulmate relationship is not a casual relationship that just happens whenever. It is a commitment to a deeper connection with another person.
What are his intentions? We don’t know, but his actions seem to be stating that he is not available for a deeper connection.
You Can’t Know If He’s Your Soulmate Without Meeting In Person
Until you actually meet in person there is so much you don’t know about this man.
- You don’t know if you have the spark of attraction with him.
- You don’t know if he is available for a relationship.
- You don’t know if he is who he says he is.
This man did not follow through on coming to meet you in person, so you know absolutely nothing about him. He is as real as a mirage in the desert. Until you meet LIVE and in-person with a man you know ZERO about him.
Be careful making emotional commitments to men you haven’t met live and in person. Don’t create hope before you know who someone really is.
If you are truly looking for your soulmate and you want that deeper connection with a man that you can count on, then you shouldn’t be asking “what are his intentions?” Instead, look for clearer signs that he could be your soulmate.
9 Soulmate Signs You Should Look For In A Man
It Is Easy To Be Authentic With Each Other
One of the soulmate signs that shows up right away is that the two of you are authentic with each other from the start. You don’t hold back or keep your heart closed. You speak how you feel and clearly ask for what you want.
Your soulmate won’t be offended or put off. He’ll be glad to step up for you to make you happy. Authenticity has a high vibration and you will find it easy to connect with your soulmate authentically.
You Share The Really Important Things
You may not like the same kind of movies or music as your soulmate. The two of you may have very different hobbies. But you both know that these are not what is really important.
Another soulmate sign is that the two of you are on the same page with what is really important. You both value the same things in life. You may have different strategies for achieving your goals, but you will share similar goals and support each other in achieving them.
You Can’t Say Or Do The Wrong Thing With The Right Person
Many people feel like they missed out on their soulmate because they screwed things up. They said the wrong thing, or they made a mistake and their partner couldn’t forgive them. By definition, this was not a soulmate relationship.
A soulmate sign that you’ve found your person is that the two of you manage to figure it out when there are bumps in the road. You are both willing to work through conflict together. You both understand and practice leaning into your conflicts to open a doorway to a deeper connection.
You Will Challenge Each Other To Grow
A soulmate relationship is one where the two of you see the potential in each other and challenge each other to be better people. Your soulmate sees you in your best light and wants you to be the best version of yourself. Your soulmate will inspire you to step into that vision.
You both have the intention to be the best version of yourself for each other as well. A soulmate sign that you’re both in it for the long haul? You both work to become better.
A Soulmate Relationship Can Help Heal Your Wounds
No one travels through life without ever experiencing pain, heartbreak, or disappointment. You may even have developed some bad relationship habits along the way. Your soulmate will love you anyway.
Soulmate love is unconditional. You will be loved for all the parts of you – the good, the bad, and the ugly. This is a very healing experience and not for the faint of heart. Skill is required to keep the door of intimacy open despite making mistakes, getting triggered, and navigating conflict.
Healing wounds together and learning to love yourself more deeply are soulmate signs that you can look forward to with your beloved.
You Respect And Value Your Differences
A relationship with someone who is just like you would be boring and lack chemistry. It is the differences that make two people come together and last as a couple. An introvert ends up with an extrovert. Someone quiet and reserved connects with a partner who is emotionally expressive. One of you a saver, the other a spender. The magic of differences means that in a soulmate relationship you defer to each other’s strengths.
A powerful soulmate sign is that you respect and value the differences between you instead of getting stuck in a power struggle. In a soulmate relationship, you can let your partner take care of the things that you aren’t good at and you can be appreciated for your areas of expertise.
You Work To Repair And Make Amends
Just because you are with your soulmate doesn’t mean that you won’t experience disappointment. Life is full of challenges and part of a happy balanced life is having someone to navigate those challenges with you.
This doesn’t mean that your soulmate won’t occasionally let you down or disappoint you. Your soulmate is a flawed human just like you are. The difference is your soulmate will do what is necessary to repair the relationship and make amends when they mess up.
You Connect On Many Levels
Maybe you laugh with each other in bed every night before going to sleep. Or you both have a deep love of the outdoors. Whatever it is that connects the two of you will be more than just a superficial common interest.
If you want a soulmate sign that you can’t ignore, notice how many different ways you connect with your partner. Whether the two of you can talk for hours and just sit comfortably in a room without speaking, you are on the same page about life.
You Both Choose Love
Your soulmate will want you to be happy and to feel loved. You will want your partner to know that you are on his side, that you have each other’s backs. Whether you’re taking into account that your partner is having a bad day or your partner is encouraging you to have that uncomfortable conversation with a friend, the two of you are consciously choosing to be loving with each other.
This is the most important soulmate sign. If your partner doesn’t want you to know how much you are loved or want to share in your happiness, then it’s probably not a good match. Loving someone means doing your best to reduce their stress level, not add to it.
You started by asking us “What are his intentions?” about this man you’ve been talking with. But what you’re really asking is “How do I know if he is my soulmate?” There is no crystal ball you can consult. The answer will not be revealed to you unless you risk your heart a little.
Instead of looking for clues, we suggest you focus on dating a lot of different kinds of men and do not rush into exclusivity. Before making a commitment of any kind be sure the man is emotionally available and takes actions that clearly let you know he wants to claim you for a relationship.
If you are confused about how to find these relationship-ready men or what to do when the man you are with isn’t stepping up, join us in our private Facebook group, Common Sense About Love. You’ll get tons of resources and advice about how to date for your soulmate and our exclusive lasting-love strategies. You’ll also find a great community of like-minded souls who will inspire you to create the love you want.
Orna and Matthew Walters are TV’s favorite dating and relationship experts. They uncover subconscious blocks to love so that you can select an ideal partner to share your life with. Follow them on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.