This week's question comes from Christina:
Hi Orna and Matthew,
I am approaching 45 and starting to really worry that I won’t ever meet “The One.” I’m divorced and to be honest, I do not like to date. I’ve been a serial monogamist my whole life and I feel like dating is something that feels superficial and icky.
Is there hope for me? How do I change the way I feel about going on dates? Or is there another way?
Doing my best to be hopeful!
Thank you for your direct question and for asking for our advice. The truth is that dating is a tool that can be used efficiently if you know how to use the tool. This is true of online and offline dating because the way we see it, the only point to online dating is to get offline meetings and dates.
Your age really doesn’t matter when it comes to love – only the story that you tell yourself about your age. We had a 74 year-old woman in our Love On Purpose Mastery™ group last year who is now with her Beloved at age 75!
For you to focus on dating first is putting the cart before the horse. What we mean by that is right now Your Love Imprint® is determining who you have the spark of attraction with out in the world.
If you’ve been struggling with creating soul-satisfying, long-lasting love up to now we can guarantee that you have subconscious blocks to love that are keeping you from finding fulfillment in love.
It doesn’t matter if you have a small or large disparity between what is in Your Love Imprint® and in your heart’s desire – if these two do not match up you will continue to struggle to create the love you want.
We suggest that you work on identifying and transforming Your Love Imprint® BEFORE you even think about going on a date. Since you have such a strong aversion to dating we would guess that there are limiting beliefs you have that are getting in your way.
As we stated earlier, dating is a tool, and a very effective one for meeting your Beloved. What if you were doing your laundry, but you felt that a washer and dryer was “superficial and icky” and therefore had to do all of your laundry by hand? You would be rejecting the most effective and efficient tool for getting your clothes clean because of emotional reasons, not logical ones.
By rejecting dating (especially online dating), you are rejecting the most efficient and effective tool for meeting your soulmate – all because it feels “superficial and icky.” Instead, try learning what you are doing wrong in the dating arena that is getting you such bad results. Don’t blame the tool because you don’t know how to use it.
Once you do the deep inner work of removing your blocks to love, then you can begin the process of dating from an entirely new perspective. We call this step: Date To Discover™.
The process of Dating To Discover™ allows you to see more about your negative patterns in relationship through the dating process. Using dating as a tool to discover more about yourself, will speed up your transformation and help you get what you want.
Instead of investing in him before you really know who he is, use the first 5 or 6 dates to discover your patterns. Are you twisting into a pretzel to get him to like you? Do you criticize yourself more when you are attracted to your date vs. when you are not? Are you able to be authentic only when you know you don’t want a relationship with him?
Discovering the answer to these questions and others will allow you to be more authentic and available when you meet a man who is in alignment with what you desire in a relationship.
Approaching dating as yet another growth tool gets you excited to go on as many dates as possible because each one is an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Practicing speaking how you feel and making requests with a man you are not interested in having a long term relationship with makes it so much easier to do when your heart is involved.
If you want to discover what is really driving your choices in love, we suggest you check out our program, Your Soulmate Blueprint®. We created this program to effectively and efficiently help you discover where you are on the map to love and how to get from where you are to where you want to be. You can read more about it here: www.YourSoulmateBlueprint.com
Please keep us posted on your dating success stories!
Love and Abundance,