This week's question comes from Casey:
Dear Orna and Matthew,
I am broken-hearted, the guy I've been seeing for about a year and I just broke up. I really thought he was the one. I've been married and divorced when I was much younger and I really thought I had figured out this whole relationship thing…now I feel terrible and like I don't know anything at all. Help!
Thank you for reaching out during this vulnerable time. Discovering that someone is not ‘The One' is never fun.
First off, be sure to take good care of yourself during this time. Be kind. Spend time doing things that you love (like a bubble bath, or hiking, or visit a museum). Take time to feel all the grief. Yes, even the pain of this breakup.
It's natural to think that feeling the pain will overtake you, and you'll never feel anything else – that is not true. Holding in our emotions is the #1 cause of disease.
Cry and scream into a pillow if you have to, just feel whatever you are feeling and know that it is okay to feel whatever emotion is coming to the surface. If you are feeling numb, then go onto YouTube and start playing music videos of sad love songs, find the one that triggers you into feeling. Simply allow yourself to feel and grieve.
Once you have a handle on the grief (there is no set amount of time), start looking for what we call The Golden Nugget. The golden nugget is that thing you learned from being in this relationship. It's the reason you had to have this experience with this person so you could grow and move forward toward your beloved.
The golden nugget is not something that occurred, it is not something that is wrong with you, or your ex. It is an Ah-ha that you have about WHY this person? WHY this experience?
Every person comes into our lives for a reason. So if it did not work out with the person you thought was ‘the one', there is a reason you had the experience. The gold nugget is always very personal and it may take some time and perspective for you to find it. When you do, it will be crystal clear and you feel in gratitude for the gift of this experience.
Remain 100% committed to sharing your life with your beloved. Know beyond the shadow of a doubt that the experience you are going through right now is bringing you closer to him.
If you’re looking to align with your Mr. Right on every level, using the world’s most powerful computer – your brain – Your Soulmate Blueprint® walks you through designing your unique True Soul Partnership.
Love and Abundance,