Why are soulmate relationships so intense? Thanks to how Elizabeth Gilbert described soulmates in her mega-bestseller “Eat, Pray, Love,” a lot of people are afraid to meet their soulmate.
In her description “A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you and then leave.”
Ms. Gilbert got it wrong. Many people show up in your life to teach you and guide you to grow, but a soulmate is the one who sticks around for a lifetime through the good and bad times.
By definition, the word “mate” means “one of a pair.” Qualifying it with the word “soul” we believe creates a lasting partnership – not that you have to scour the earth to find one person that you are somehow fated to be with. Soulmates choose each other and choose to stick with each other.
Why are soulmate relationships so intense? It’s a question we hear often and the reality is there isn’t just a simple answer that covers all the possibilities.
In a soulmate relationship, the two of you will be able to navigate the difficulties that arise and always find your way back to each other to reconnect and make your love even stronger.
Why are soulmate relationships so intense? Because you can’t make assumptions…
A Soulmate Relationship Requires Authenticity
You can’t fake it with your soulmate. You won’t get away with going through the motions, or hiding how you really feel, or what you truly desire.
In order for a soulmate relationship to thrive, you need to show up authentically and speak your truth.
You can’t hide your feelings, fake interest, check out, or brush things under the rug.
You’ll be challenged to put words to your feelings and to express them in a non-combative way.
Showing up authentically lets you know that you are being loved for who you really are – not who you or your partner think you ought to be. You’ll be loved on those days where you feel crappy, and even those times when you behave badly. You are loved for your imperfections and you learn to embrace the cold reality that you’re human and will make mistakes.
There is no such thing as a perfect person, but your soulmate will be perfect for you. Your soulmate is the one who will love you for who you are, warts and all.
But if you don’t show up authentically, your soulmate may not recognize you. If you’re twisting into a pretzel trying to earn love, then your true self can’t be seen.
When you hide your feelings because you don’t want to rock the boat, you’re hiding your true self from your soulmate.
If you act like you don’t have any needs, or that your partner’s needs are more important than your own, then you’re setting the stage for your soulmate to pass you by or to never recognize you in the first place.
Why are soulmate relationships so intense? Because they are healing…
A Soulmate Relationship Will Help You Heal Your Wounds
Your soulmate is a salve to the wounds in your heart. Ultimately, you can only do so much work on your own. It is only when you are in relationship with your soulmate that you are able to do your deepest healing.
Your soulmate loves you for who you really are, not who you are supposed to be or are striving to be. You never need to change for your soulmate, however, you may find yourself inspired to be the best version of yourself through the stability of a soulmate relationship.
Your inner critic is no match for the love of a soulmate. Just as it only takes one match to take the darkness out of a room, the love from your soulmate lights the lantern of truth that you are loveable.
With your soulmate, you’ll know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can’t lose love because the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. That as you learn to count on yourself for unconditional love, you also learn to count on your soulmate no matter what and come what may.
Love is the most healing energy in the universe. Together you and your soulmate’s love will heal each other’s wounds and you’ll be bound together in a covenant of lasting love.
Why are soulmate relationships so intense? You must be up for the challenge…
A Soulmate Relationship Will Challenge You To Grow
You don’t get to skimp with a soulmate. You have to be committed to your own growth and the growth of the relationship.
Your soulmate will challenge you to grow as an individual and also to learn new relationship skills. Your old strategies and behaviors won’t cut it when you’re with your soulmate.
You won’t be able to blame your partner for your triggers and bad strategies. Instead, you’ll need to learn how to take responsibility for them and be okay with your flaws.
You’ll need to up-level your communication skills and learn to turn a conflict into a deeper connection.
You’ll develop healthier boundaries. While your soulmate can feel like a part of you, your soulmate is a separate human being with different beliefs, behaviors, strategies, and emotions than you.
Most relationships never make it past the second stage of relationship, the inevitable Power Struggle Stage that follows the Romance Phase.
The myth of love by accident creates the ridiculous fantasy of believing you’ll never have problems when you’re with your soulmate.
Understanding that it’s not about IF there are problems, it’s HOW you navigate the stormy waters that is most important. A more reasonable expectation is that you’ll reach the power struggle phase with anyone you choose to be in a relationship with, even your soulmate.
Growing your skills in your intimate relationship spills over to all of your relationships making you a better co-worker, boss, friend, aunt, sister, daughter, etc.
Why are soulmate relationships so intense? Because most people are conflict avoidant…
A Soulmate Relationship Requires You To Embrace Conflict
So many relationships end because the couple drifts apart and falls out of love.
How does that happen?
Couples drift apart because they avoid bringing up the difficult conversations. They drift apart because the unspoken hurts and disappointments create a chasm between them.
You can’t avoid conflict with your soulmate. Instead, embrace conflict and use it as a doorway to a deeper connection.
Disagreements and conflicts are part of life – the sooner you become more comfortable with this fact the happier you will be.
This is not a sign of being with the wrong person – instead focus on how to move through the conflict alongside your soulmate.
Expecting discord allows you to address each event separately rather than thinking the sky is falling and it’s the end of the world every time you have a disagreement.
Most couples sweep things under the rug and let small disputes add up until there is too much to handle all at once like an erupting volcano. Anticipating that there will be challenges to navigate through puts you on the offensive to address any issues as they arise.
Why are soulmate relationships so intense? Because love is a choice…
A Soulmate Requires You To Choose Love Again And Again
During the romance phase of a relationship, your anxieties, frustrations, and neuroses don’t affect you as strongly. You are in an induced chemical high from all the feel-good hormones of bonding with your partner.
Once those chemicals wear off, all of your anxieties and insecurities return. Even those habitual critical thoughts in your head.
There is no feeling that will ever last. Your emotions ebb and flow and have the potential to change moment to moment.
You won’t wake up every morning feeling love for the person sleeping beside you. You will most likely be caught up in your stuff, unconsciously projecting your frustrations and anxieties onto your partner even when it’s your soulmate.
This is why it is most important to choose to love your soulmate every day.
There is no special person who will magically take your problems away from you. Instead, choose love. Choose to be loving with yourself. Choose to be kind with your partner even when you are having a conflict.
Choosing to love the frustrating habits of your soulmate opens you to love an imperfect person. The only way to get rid of those behaviors is to get rid of your soulmate too.
To be open to lasting love you have to let someone’s best be good enough. Choosing to love those things that drive you coo-coo means you’re accepting your soulmate warts and all – just like you wish to be loved.
When you choose love, you make the most powerful choice a person can make. You choose forgiveness, compassion, and empathy for all that makes up your soulmate.
There will be fights with your soulmate. You won’t like every single thing about him but you’ll love the most important of things. He will sometimes annoy you. Choose to love him anyway and you’ll have a reliable person to go through life’s ups and downs with.
A soulmate relationship won’t just come knocking on your door when you least expect it.
You will have to take action towards your goal just like anything else that is important in life.
If you’ve been struggling about whether to stay or go, or you simply can’t seem to find anyone worthy enough to date it’s time to get an expert’s point of view. A complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session is just what you need to leave your unconscious patterns behind and open to the love you desire. Book your private time with us by clicking here.
Orna and Matthew Walters are Soulmate Coaches who have been featured guest experts on Bravo’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER. They uncover subconscious blocks to love so that you can select an ideal partner to share your life with. Follow them on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.