This week's question comes from Leslie:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
I’m lucky in that I have no trouble getting dates or even finding men who want to be in a relationship with me. In fact, one of my friends brags that I could get just about any man to propose to me.
BUT… I can’t ever seem to make it last. I’ve been divorced for 10 years, have been proposed to by at least 7 men, and I am constantly dating.
I’m reaching out to you two because I never seem to find the “right” man. Either they are controlling and we fight like crazy, or the spark between us doesn’t last. I feel like I get bored so easily with them.
How do I find someone who I can grow with?”
Thanks for reaching out to us and we hear your frustration. Giving you the tools to make love last is the goal here at Creating Love On Purpose®.
Many of the women we speak with are struggling because they can’t seem to find a man who fits their list of desired qualities, or who is worth them committing to. We have a friend who jokingly says this about women’s search for the perfect man: “Women are looking for a swashbuckling pirate… who comes home every night.” 😉
While we don’t believe this defines your specific struggle, we do believe that searching for some perfect unicorn will only end in frustration.
Ask yourself, why do you think you get bored so easily? Do you have unrealistic expectations about what a man can provide for your life? Are you expecting a man to bring you something that you don’t already have inside of you?
The bad Hollywood math of relationship is 1+1=1. Looking for someone who will heal some wound inside of you is a recipe for a co-dependent relationship. This is unhealthy and a recipe for disaster.
Humans are meant to be interdependent. We are meant to cohabitate, to live in communities, to work in groups (large and small), share our challenges together, and celebrate our victories together.
The yearning we all feel for love is part of this instinct inside of us. We are social animals and require connection in order to thrive in our lives.
Too much of our modern culture tears us away from feeling connected to others. It can be easy to blame society for our struggles, yet the answer lies inside of you.
First you must become connected with yourself. Most people walk around disconnected from their emotional state. Your EGS – Emotional Guidance System – is just as important as your intellect.
These two parts of us as human beings are meant to be in balance so we can navigate our lives and live at our highest and best self.
Intimate relationship deals with matters of the heart. The heart is our emotional center. Being disconnected from self will make it impossible to truly connect with another.
Most people want to feel better before they take an action to change their circumstances.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. FIRST, you must take a new action and then you will feel better.
One of the myths of accidental love is that when you find the “right” man suddenly everything will be easy. All the love songs and romantic movies make it look like you’ll never have any problems again once you find love.
The truth is that relationships can be challenging. A healthy relationship will give you plenty of opportunities to grow into a better person. When you bail at the first sign of trouble (or boredom) then you are shortchanging yourself of the opportunity to go deeper into connection and grow in a relationship.
This journey is not about finding the perfect man. It’s about choosing a man who is willing to go on this journey with you. It’s about going deeper into the idea of, Love – No Matter What!
If you are serious about wanting to create soul-satisfying, long-lasting love for a lifetime our 100% digital program, The Science Of Creating Love™ is exactly what will serve you best.
This is one program that will address your boredom and the other subconscious blocks you’re carrying in your heart allowing you to open to the love that is your birthright.
The Science Of Creating Love™ is a comprehensive 7-module course that walks you through the process of stripping away what no longer serves you, gives you practical strategies for dating and relating, and guides you to create the vision of your True Soul Partnership.
You can order The Science Of Creating Love™ here – and because it is 100% digital you can get started today (even if it’s 4:00am).
We are here to be your guides to lasting love.
Love and Abundance,