It’s easy to envy young people who haven’t experienced much heartbreak after you’ve gone through a divorce. Maybe you believe it would be easier meeting your soulmate with fewer heartbreaks and disappointments. The truth is dating after divorce can be an advantage to meeting your soulmate.
You’ve hopefully learned from your marriage and divorce and are ready to do things differently when it comes to love. You’re no longer naïve about life and love and you can choose more wisely and be more discerning through the dating process.
The secret to meeting your soulmate after divorce is in using the end of your marriage as a powerful tool of learning and discovery. Just because you didn’t get it right the first time doesn’t mean that you can’t get love right the next time.
Why Dating After Divorce Is An Advantage To Meeting Your Soulmate
Your Expectations Are Realistic
No one gets married thinking it won’t last. Your hope of what could be turned out not to be. You’ve come out the other side and had the experience of love not working out. That experience can be a great motivator to do things differently this time.
When you’ve been married before, you’ve released the fantasy that love will just magically work out without any effort. You’ve figured out that your partner doesn’t come with mind-reading powers (and meeting your soulmate won’t change that).
This is a golden opportunity to learn how to select an ideal partner – a soulmate. Your soulmate is the person that gets you, chooses you, and is willing to go through life’s challenges alongside you because you both know that you’re better together than apart.
Realistic expectations are the gateway to showing up as your authentic self. Now that you are no longer holding onto a fantasy of love you’re in an ideal situation to approach love and dating differently this time. It’s a great opportunity to upgrade your dating strategies, which is the path to meeting your soulmate.
Give yourself some credit for making it this far. So far, you’ve survived 100% of your worst days. Things are only getting better from here on out.
As difficult as going through a divorce was, you not only survived but you’ve become a better person from the journey. Hopefully, you’ve become better at choosing a partner who is able to meet your needs.
You Get A Fresh Start
Going through a divorce is difficult but now that you’re ready to date again, you have a fresh start. This means that you don’t have to put up with any crap. You get to make the rules for how you want to approach love and no one else gets to dictate to you what is important to you. You can start dating with purpose and this will serve you on the path to meeting your soulmate.
Ultimately, there is a lid for every pot. When you let your freak flag fly your soulmate can find you. Love requires risk, and when you’re on the other side of a divorce and looking for lasting love, you can more easily risk and share your dreams and desires upfront.
Those who aren’t interested in the real authentic you will scamper off leaving only those who are truly interested in a relationship with you. When dating this way the cream will rise to the top – and you are only going to invest your heart when you’ve found the creamiest match.
You Are More Resilient
Overcoming difficulties helps you grow stronger. Resistance creates resilience. The fact that you’re interested in meeting your soulmate after a divorce means you have cultivated resilience in your heart.
Emotional strength and resilience come from facing difficult experiences and overcoming them. By facing the difficult issues in your life, you have developed courage and strength.
Life will always have challenges and divorce is one of the greatest relationship challenges you will go through. The internal strength you have cultivated will give you the endurance to keep on keeping on. Meeting your soulmate after your divorce comes from developing the resilience you need to keep hope alive and to continue to date and move towards your desired outcome.
You’re Clear On What You Do Not Want
Most people aren’t motivated to create more joy in their lives. Instead, they’re motivated to avoid emotional pain. Post-divorce you can use this to your advantage to meeting your soulmate.
Through your divorce, you’ve become crystal clear on the type of relationship you do not want. Use this clarity to quickly move on when it’s apparent someone is not an ideal match for you.
Instead of wasting time to see if someone will change and become the person you want, you’ve learned that people show you who they really are. This makes it easy for you to spot someone who is not a match.
Knowing who to deselect through the dating process is just as important as knowing who to select. On the journey to meeting your soulmate, use the desire to make better choices as a motivation for creating a new dynamic in your romantic relationships.
You Can Take Responsibility For Your Part
A marriage lasting or failing requires both people’s participation. The hard part is not getting stuck in either blame or guilt. Pointing the finger of blame or taking too much responsibility will only keep you stuck in the past and lingering on what was, instead of meeting your soulmate and starting something new.
You are not 100% responsible for your marriage ending. However, you are 100% responsible for your 50%. Read that again because most of our clients take too much responsibility and going into sacrifice will never allow you to create the lasting love you desire.
Draw a clear boundary to know what is your responsibility and what is not. Keep your side of the street clean by owning your behavior. Stay on your side of the street by not blaming yourself for your ex’s behavior. This way you can focus on what you did or didn’t do to make the marriage work and have a strategy for doing things differently next time.
Own your stuff but don’t blame yourself for your partner’s failings. Taking responsibility for what truly belongs on your side of the street brings you clarity and can set you free to meet your soulmate.
You’re Ready To Upgrade Your Dating Skills
Dating itself hasn’t changed but the tools used to meet people are constantly evolving. It can feel intimidating and a bit overwhelming looking through the newest technological options.
Online dating, dating apps, and other technologies are just tools for meeting people. You can try to avoid the apps and hope that you accidentally bump into to love of your life at Starbucks, or you can invest a little bit of time to educate yourself on using these new tools properly.
Also, the dating strategies you used to meet your ex aren’t going to work if you want to meet your soulmate. There’s no point in dating like a teenager, so rather than expecting that meeting your soulmate will happen by accident plan to upgrade your dating strategies even before you go out on one date.
Then through the dating process, you can discover about yourself and practice new communication skills. Just like learning anything new – practice, practice, practice. The dating arena gives you plenty of opportunities.
Slowing things down and dating more people will actually speed up the process of meeting your soulmate. Never give a stranger the benefit of the doubt. Take your time before jumping into exclusivity and get to know someone before making a deeper commitment.
You Can Create A New Vision For Love
You know you don’t want to repeat your mistakes, but are you aware of what would really bring joy to your life? Your ideal relationship isn’t the opposite of what you don’t want.
Focus on creating a vision for your soulmate relationship that excites you and motivates you to start dating again. Get clear on the dynamic you desire between the two of you. Don’t get caught up in unimportant details like height or hobbies. Your heart doesn’t care what color someone’s eyes are or whether they like the same movies you do.
The important thing is to focus on what you value. Because when you share the same values as your partner you have the ability to overcome any challenges. Moving past your divorce and meeting your soulmate requires that you have a clear vision of the relationship you desire, and whether or not you can navigate conflict to create a deeper connection.
Chemistry is required, but it shouldn’t be the most important factor. Just because the two of you are hot for each other doesn’t mean you share the same values.
Your vision for love becomes your guide as you navigate dating and the beginning of a new relationship. Your head and your heart must both be satisfied. Meeting your soulmate requires that you practice discernment and choose wisely.
You’re Ready To Risk Your Heart Again
Love doesn’t come with guarantees. None of these steps will protect you from ever being hurt again. But they will give you the tools to keep moving forward into healthier, more loving relationships along the way.
Cynicism and fear are your enemies when it comes to love. They keep your heart closed and prevent anyone from connecting with you. Don’t let fear stop you from opening your heart and taking a risk on love. The biggest risk you can take is to feel hopeful about meeting your soulmate. Hope is the door that opens your heart to love again.
You are not meant to spend your life alone. Your soul craves connection with a special person. You can certainly be single and happy, but if you really want to thrive in life, you’ll want to share your life with the love of your life.
Instead of pining for the lost innocence of your youth, use your experiences to become better at your relationships. Sex and procreation are instinctual but long-term monogamous relationships are not. They require skills that you weren’t born with, and it’s likely that your parents didn’t model healthy relationships for you.
With a little effort, you can overcome your past heartbreaks and develop new relationship skills. When you mine your past disappointments to discover the gold that lies within, you may find that your split with your ex was the greatest advantage you could have received for meeting your soulmate.
Are you ready to move on from your divorce and focus on meeting your soulmate? Download our special report, “7 Steps To Soulmating™.” You’ll receive our top dating strategies that have helped thousands to change their love strategies and finally create their soulmate relationship.
Orna and Matthew Walters are Soulmate Coaches who have been featured guest experts on Bravo’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER. They uncover subconscious blocks to love so that you can select an ideal partner to share your life with. Follow them on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.