This week's question comes from Joelle:
Dear Orna and Matthew,
I have been following you both for some time now and I’ve been doing my best to really get a grasp of my Love Imprint and why I’m still struggling when it comes to having a long-term relationship.
Being successful very young in my career path may have set me up to have disappointment in my love life. I have been married, divorced, I raised two beautiful children who have families of their own, and yet, I find I am unhappy.
I just can’t seem to be the same person when it comes to love. I can make things happen in my business easily and yet feel like such a failure in my relationships. I feel like I’m broken and will never figure it out.
What do I need to understand about myself and my situation so I can really have the love that I want? Why is it that I cannot feel good about myself when I have worked so hard to accomplish so much?
Looking for love,
Thank you for reaching out to us. We hope that you’ve read some of our “tough love” responses here in our newsletter because we are going to give it to you straight (as we see it) and want you to know that this comes from love because we want you to feel loved and have a great relationship.
There is nothing for you to “understand” about your past or your current situation that will create any change in your life.
Understanding has nothing to do with the subconscious mind.
You are clearly a very smart women who has been able to accomplish many things in her life. Unfortunately, being smart is not an asset when it comes to creating soul-satisfying love. It simply means that you can re-create what you know, what is familiar, quickly and easily.
Our subconscious has one goal: To keep you ALIVE!
It has no way to judge or assess if you are alive and happy, or alive and miserable. Because we are wired for survival our subconscious quickly lumps things together. This is a process we call the Law of Association or “This Is Like That.”
In order to change your life you must break events apart and let your conscious mind know that This Is NOT Like That.
Analyzing and understanding will not bring you the love you want. It is actually a way for your ego mind to keep you exactly where you are without any change occurring.
Here is our Coach’s Challenge for you:
Every time you catch yourself analyzing a situation or another person, or yourself, shift the focus from your head to your body.
Notice how you FEEL!
All day long, shift your attention from the desire to understand to the body sensations are you experiencing.
Go in one of two directions:
- Notice the sensation/s in your body. Where do you feel things? Describe the sensation/s. Then see about assigning a word and labeling the feeling with a one-word emotion.
- Or notice what emotion/s you feel. Then get clear on the location in your body you experience that emotion. Describe in words the sensations that you experience in that part of your body when you feel that particular emotion.
Now go into your life and notice the patterns that emerge.
Your goal is to break these mental/emotional patterns so that you can create a new relationship with yourself.
Identifying and expressing how you feel is a way for you to honor and value yourself. As you begin to move from analyzing yourself and the people around you to simply BEING with your own emotions your outer world will reflect new situations and circumstances back to you.
The world is how we believe it to be. Just being aware of our limiting beliefs creates zero change, however, being aware of the patterns and limiting beliefs we hold is a very crucial first step.
We cannot change anything that we are not aware of. The awareness itself does nothing if we do not take NEW action.
Make this process that we’ve described above a daily meditation of sorts. When you catch yourself analyzing or asking “Why” – STOP! Bring your attention and all of your awareness to your body, to your emotional state.
We will be honest, doing this work by yourself may take you years to create change. It’s very difficult to do this work all on your own because you are inside the fish bowl. Having a guide that is outside of the fish bowl speeds up the process a thousand fold!
Working directly with us as your guides you can show you the shortest route to creating success in your love life so you can have long-lasting soul-satisfying love.
Love and Abundance,