Are you struggling to find your true soul partner? It’s likely you’re unaware of why being in your integrity is the secret to unlocking the lasting love you are looking for, and how not being in your integrity is sabotaging your efforts.
What does being in your integrity in your intimate relationships really mean?
Let’s explore how being in your integrity leads you to show up authentically, keeping your heart karma clean, and ultimately attracting the type of partner you’ve been longing for.
Being in your integrity gives you the tools to build lasting trust with your partner. It gives you a solid foundation to cultivate deeper intimacy and connection than you knew was possible. It also provides the knowingness that your relationship can survive any challenges that come your way.
You may not even be aware of the ways in which you are out of your integrity and how they are sabotaging you. These hidden blocks show up when your relationship is under duress and often leads to the relationship crumbling. You can’t build a solid foundation on sand, so it’s best to build from the ground up with authenticity.
Let’s dive into why being in your integrity is one of the quickest ways to find a true soul partner.
Being In Your Integrity Guides You To Show Up Authentically
Everyone wants to put their best foot forward early on in the dating process, especially when you find your date particularly appealing. This can cause you to be overly agreeable, iron out conflicts, and keep your true feelings to yourself.
All of this twisting into a pretzel in order to get the other person to like you is exhausting. And leaves you feeling resentful of the person you’re dating.
If you want someone to love and accept you exactly as you are then you have to show up authentically from the beginning. This doesn’t mean that you expose all of your faults and struggles, or that you share your opinion of your date’s behavior. It means that you share how you feel in the moment.
When you show up authentically you let your date know how you feel in the moment. You share with how your date what you like and don’t like. You can even redirect your date if he isn’t offering what you prefer.
Showing up authentically means that if something is a problem that you speak up about it. You’ll learn a lot about how this person is able to handle conflict and whether the two of you can find common ground. This doesn’t mean that you attack your date for his behavior. Instead, you share your feelings (not your opinions) starting with yourself, as in, “I feel _____[fill in the blank]_____.
This is how you know your date is really interested in you and not just looking for something convenient because you’re making it easy by going along with whatever he wants.
Being In Your Integrity Will Inspire Those Who Are Not A Match To Deselect Themselves
It’s easy to dress the hot guy up in groom’s clothing and leap into the future imagining how your kids will look. Unfortunately, if you’re looking to keep the hot guy at all costs you may find that you’re angry and resentful, or burned out from dating, depressed, and heartbroken.
What creates longevity in relationship is being a value’s match. So being in your integrity means that you are holding to your own values. This means you’ll be a turn off to Mr. Wrong and a magnet for your Mr. Right.
Too much time is wasted in the dating process trying to make things work despite red flags and obstacles. The time it takes for you to connect with your soulmate is quickened when you are authentic from the moment you first meet.
Being In Your Integrity Helps You Avoid The Bait And Switch
One of the biggest issues that shows up in marriage counseling is the complaint that your partner no longer seems interested in doing the things you did while you were dating. Now that you’re married you don’t have to ______[blank]______ anymore.
This is a classic bait and switch and leaves your partner feeling duped and resentful.
If you don’t like the outdoors do not go on a single’s hike up in the mountains just to see about meeting someone. The same goes for bowling or swing dancing – if it’s not something you’re actually curious about or interested in don’t do it.
Being in your integrity means that you don’t fake it until you get the commitment, and then reveal your true self after the fact. This variation on twisting into a pretzel can be really damaging to a relationship and very difficult to overcome.
During the romance phase, you may find yourself more willing to take risks and behave in ways that are not in your nature. As the chemical high wears off you find yourself sliding back into your normal habits and less likely to explore something new. This is a natural part of the ensuing power struggle every relationship goes through.
Be upfront with your partner about who you and what you like. Go on those adventures but also take time to be a couch potato if that is what you really want. Don’t give up your morning alone time or forget to take time for yourself early on while dating or going exclusive.
The chemical high of the romance phase can produce a false expectation of what the rest of your lives will be like together. No relationship is always amazing. There are natural highs and lows. You won’t feel that excitement of falling in love in every moment, but there is a much deeper connection you can cultivate over years together knowing you two can stand up to any curve balls life inevitably throws your way.
Being authentic throughout the relationship allows you to cultivate trust and certainty that your partner truly loves and adores you.
Being In Your Integrity Keeps Your Heart Karma™ Clean
Everyone has heart karma. When you don’t cleanly end a relationship you tie up your heart karma and block yourself from creating your true soul partnership.
Have you told someone you broke up with that you wanted to remain “friends” so that you didn’t feel guilty about breaking his heart?
Did you pick a fight so that you could more easily segue to the break-up?
Perhaps you didn’t know how to tell someone you didn't want to see him again so you ghosted?
Keep your heart karma clean by ending relationships with kindness and respect.
Respectful breakups and clear communication allow you to have the same mirrored back to you when you’re on the receiving end of a break-up.
Release the need to offer friendship when you initiate a breakup. There is a big difference between being friends and being friendly. There is no need to have animosity between you, but being friends means that when you’re with your beloved you’d have that person over for dinner or go see a movie with them. That’s what you do with your friends.
Certainly, if you were to bump into him at the Starbucks you can smile and have a quick catch up – this is being friendly with someone.
Otherwise, it is an imbalanced relationship. He wants more than a friendship and might be willing to accept the crumbs hoping that you’ll change your mind. It wouldn’t be cool for someone to do that to you, right?
Treat your dates with the respect they deserve and you will receive that in return.
Being In Your Integrity Attracts Another Person Of Integrity To You
Water seeks its own level in relationship. Ultimately like attracts like. When you are in your integrity you attract someone who is also in his integrity.
Roaches flee when you turn on the lights. Being in your integrity is like shining a bright light that scares away those who are uncomfortable being authentic or who are attempting to manipulate you.
If you have a history of attracting narcissists, the best way to avoid them altogether is by being authentic. They won’t like to be with someone who isn’t just going along for the ride and letting them drive.
This sets a boundary in your relationship and repels people who want to become enmeshed in a co-dependent relationship.
Setting a standard for your partner to meet you in integrity allows you to bond over the things that really matter like your life goals.
When you are in your integrity you won’t tolerate being in a relationship with someone who is not willing to be in his integrity.
Being In Your Integrity Keeps You From Dating Backward
Most people date backward. They give a stranger the benefit of the doubt and overlook potential conflicts because of the rush of feel-good emotions
Then, when the chemical high of the Romance Stage eventually wears off, they find themselves in a relationship with a human being who has faults and behaviors they don’t care for.
Speaking up for yourself may be a risk, but wouldn’t you rather know as soon as possible that you can work through some bumps in the road of life and he won’t bail at the first sign of conflict?
The stranger you’re just getting to know hasn’t earned the benefit of the doubt. Paying attention to his behavior throughout the dating process, while also being in your integrity, will show you what he values and will inform your decision to proceed or to deselect him.
Remember, conflicts will arise with anyone you’re partnered with. Save yourself time by discovering early on if he’s interested in navigating through difficulties with you.
Being In Your Integrity Becomes The Glue For Your Relationship To Last
A true soul partnership is a relationship where two people come together to create something greater than the sum of its parts. This kind of relationship can become a beacon to others to show them that a long-lasting loving relationship full of respect and kindness exists, and is possible for them too.
This means that you want to keep your problems within your relationship. Sharing your complaints about your partner with others in your life is disrespectful of him.
If you have a problem with him then you need to talk with him about it. If you need some insight into how to have that conversation then you should talk to a professional (not your mother or your BFF).
Showing your partner this kind of respect and consideration is the ultimate loving compliment. It says you feel safe talking about anything in your relationship.
Honor your partner by not holding onto his past mistakes or keeping score. Instead, you clean up your messes as you go, and when you accept his apology you really mean it.
There is only so much growth you can do on your own. The real joy of being in a true soul partnership is that you can inspire one another to become the best version of yourselves.
Your soul desires connection. You can create lasting connection, trust, intimacy, and meaning in your true soul partnership by being in your integrity.
Being In Your Integrity Means You’ll Spend Less Time With Mr. Wrong Freeing You Up For Your Mr. Right
If you are looking for the fastest way to a true soul partner you’ll want to say, “No” to everything you do not want allowing space for what you really do.
Showing up authentically and being in your integrity means you will automatically spend less time dating the guys who are just not ready for a relationship, or who simply are not emotionally available for the kind of relationship you desire.
When you go car shopping you first decide on the make and model you’re most interested in. You wouldn’t drive around aimlessly from one car lot to another hoping that you’ll just find something you like when you see it before you.
If you went out car shopping for a 2-door sporty coupe it’s unlikely you’ll drive home in a mini-van because you’d tell the salesperson exactly what you are looking for.
The same goes for dating. Tell the guy from the start what you desire and what you expect. The right man will be willing to step up and claim you and take you off the market.
Being in your integrity means you are speaking up about how you feel and what you want. Ultimately this shortens the dating process to allow the cream to rise to the top so you can identify the potential for a true soul partner.
If you’re tired of going into sacrifice to make a relationship work, or if being in your integrity feels too risky and you’d like some guidance schedule a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Call so we can share some strategies with you to quicken your pace to the arms of your beloved.
We are Orna and Matthew Walters and we call ourselves Soulmate Coaches because for over a decade we have been guiding our clients to create the soul-satisfying, long-lasting love that they desire.