This week's question comes from Monica:
Orna and Matthew,
I’m really struggling right now… one of my close friends just got engaged. This will leave me as the last single gal in my group who has never been married.
When I look at my friends who are married, I can’t seem to see any similarities in how they got hitched that makes me understand what they did right, and what I’m doing wrong.
One good friend of mine has been married 6 years and well… there’s no other way to put it… she’s kind of a bitch. I cannot believe the way she speaks to her husband. I am shocked that he puts up with it, and when I see how he looks at her – he is clearly IN LOVE! WTF?!!!
The friend who just got engaged is sweet, kind, and I can see why her BF proposed and I can see their relationship lasting a whole lifetime.
I know that just looking at my friend’s is not an actual survey or anything… but I’m confused… is being nice part of the deal and do I need to find out if I’m coming across as not so nice? I’m starting to wonder if I will ever get it and meet my Mr. Right.
Thanks for your question and for being curious about what works and what doesn’t. We find that most people aren’t even thinking about love and dating the way you are, so congratulations on that!
Looking to your friends and their relationships will give you some information, but the place to really start focusing is on YOU!
What one friend requires in relationship, may not be what you need or even want!
Since the majority of people are operating in the world of “Love By Accident” looking at what your friends did or didn’t do will not necessarily be your path to success to create your true soul partnership.
Our special report at our website is called: 7 Major Mistakes Single Women That Block Them From True Love…and how to avoid them! The first of these “mistakes” is making things EASY.
We’re not sure of your concept of what being “Nice” is… but we think it has to do with being “easy going.” If through the dating process we simply make things EASY – how would we know if there is the capacity for longevity?
Life will always throw us curve balls. Every person, and therefore every couple will have challenges that they will face. If our goal is simply to be nice and make things easy, we could be setting ourselves up for short-term relationships that cannot overcome the obstacles that life generates.
Additionally, some people are more complex than others. As a Professional Hand Analyst (non-predictive palmistry) Orna has the ability to read what a person’s non-negotiable need is in relationship. Some people have one need because both hands match, and many other people require multiple things in relationship.
Since we are each unique snowflakes, the study of self is what will really enlighten you about what you require so you can create soul-satisfying, long-lasting love.
The goal is to be AUTHENTIC from the very start!
Sharing your authentic self in the dating process will allow someone who is not a match for you to deselect himself, leaving room for a guy who is ready to step up and claim you.
A dear friend of ours is a Marriage and Family Therapist and she shared with us a common occurrence that she sees in the couples she works with. At some point early on, one of them will exclaim, “He/she no longer does the things that we used to do when we were dating!” And the response is usually, “well we don’t have to do that anymore because we are married.”
This is what we refer to as a Bait and Switch – behaving in an inauthentic way until you get what you want and then reverting back to your normal self once you get the commitment. Most people are not even consciously playing this game.
Getting clear on who you are and what you really desire will help you avoid this trap. Stop twisting into a pretzel to get love. Stop stuffing your feelings because you don’t want to scare him away. Show up authentically and you will meet a man who loves you for who you are!
We cover all of this and even more in our program The Soulmate Shortcut™. This is our DIY – Do It Yourself – program that walks you through each step of Creating Love On Purpose® so you can create love consciously and On Purpose!
We are here to be your guides to love!
Love and Abundance,