This week’s question comes from Naomi:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
Will I ever find love again?
I hope you can help me. I’ve been a long time reader and really think you give great advice. I have been feeling a lot of despair lately with the state of the world. Dating really scares me and I’m not sure where to get started. I married young and he passed unexpectedly in an accident several years ago. I have been alone since and haven’t dated anyone seriously.
As a single mom, I often wonder if any man would ever be interested in me, as I have to put my children first.
What are your thoughts? Do you think that people get a second chance at love?“
We’re sorry to hear that you lost your husband, and we appreciate you reaching out. If you’re wondering, “Will I ever find love again” we are here to rekindle your hope about love and your second chance at it (or third, or fourth, or however many chances you need).
However, in order to manifest what you want, you have to ask the right question. And “Will I ever find love again?” is the wrong question to be asking.
We want you to consider this instead: Do you WANT to have love again? Are you ready to share your life with someone?
“Will I ever find love again?” implies that love is elusive and mysterious. Quite the opposite is true. Love is abundant and available to you all the time.
Think about your children, do you wonder if the love you feel for them will disappear? Do you have only so much to share with them? Do you have to divide your love up between them?
The love you feel for your children only grows. When your second child was born you didn’t have to ration your love between them. You felt more love and had more love to give.
This is the nature of love. It is infinite and ever-present. Your work is to discover what is blocking you from creating all the love you desire.
If You Desire Love You Can Create It
Our first question for you is: Do you want to have love again?
Based on the fact that you reached out to us we would guess that the answer is yes. Since you have decided that you want to have love you are well on your way.
Wondering if you will ever find love again puts you in a passive position. As if you’re just waiting for love to show up.
The myth of accidental love leads many people to believe that love will just magically materialize one day. That as if by magic an ideal partner will find you and voila, you’re set for the rest of your life!
And if for some reason it doesn’t magically work out, then it just wasn’t meant to be. This ultimately leaves you feeling powerless about your relationships and your ability to create the love you want.
Creating love means you’ve prepared for it, setting intentions, and taking action out in the world to make it happen.
Most people go out on dates and meet people, and as soon as they feel chemistry with someone they jump into a committed relationship. When it inevitably falls apart, they fall into despair and wonder if they will ever find love that lasts. This is the very definition of love by accident.
Make a decision that you are going to create the love you want. Take action on that decision. And don’t let anything hold you back.
Owning your desire for love and intimacy is the first step.
Your Beliefs About Love Will Create Your Reality
What you believe is true is true for you. If you believe that love is in the cards for you, then you will create it. If you believe that all the good ones are taken, or all men cheat, then you’re likely to have many of these experiences.
Your beliefs about love will shape your results. Discover your limiting beliefs that keep you from the love you desire.
For example, most people despise online dating and only put up with it because they believe they have no other options. They focus on all of the problems with the people they meet, and all the things that their dates are doing wrong. And instead of finding love they waste their time sharing their dating horror stories.
And yet, millions of other people meet and get married through a dating app or an online dating site.
Are these people just luckier than the rest?
Maybe the ones who got married didn’t focus so much on what was wrong with online dating or with their dates. Instead, they approached dating with a curious mind and an open heart.
If you are wondering “Will I ever find love again?” are you afraid that something bad will happen if you do? Are you hoping that love will just appear like it did when you were younger?
There is no limitation on love, so you can have many different loves of your life.
Expecting that there is some higher power micromanaging your life is ultimately dodging responsibility. You are the one that will decide whether or not you will find love again.
Get Clear On The Kind Of Relationship You Want
If you’re wondering, “Will I ever find love again?” channel that energy into designing your ideal relationship.
You can’t just order up the perfect person off of a menu, so stop creating detailed lists of the qualities that you are looking for in your soulmate. Instead, take time to gain clarity on the dynamic between you and this other person you have not yet met. How do you feel when you are with him? How does he respond to you when you’re upset?
Your heart doesn’t care how tall a person is, or how much money he makes, or what kind of car he drives. Your heart wants him to get you, have your back, and that the two of you value the same things in life.
You are looking for someone that you can navigate life’s challenges with, someone who shares your dreams and goals. Relationship is like a dance. Make sure your partner knows how to move in harmony with you. Your ideal partner will have complementary strengths – he won’t be just like you because he will be an entirely different person.
Knowing how you fit together with this other person is the key to manifesting a person who matches the vision you create.
Challenge Yourself To Be Adventurous But Not Careless
“Will I ever find love again?” is a question we often hear from people who are stuck in a rut and don’t venture into unchartered territory. As human beings, we are inherently creatures of habit.
You’re not going to find love again by sitting at home or absent-mindedly going through your daily routine.
Purposefully change your routine. Do the things you are putting off doing until you meet your soulmate. Don’t put your life on hold in any way – go out and try new things, and most of all be curious about the people you meet.
Meeting new people is essential to creating an ideal partnership. Remember, every person you meet knows people that you do not know.
While you are taking these new actions, keep your mindset positive, open, and curious. We’re not suggesting you do something foolhardy or dangerous. But taking calculated risks can bring you great rewards.
Your Past Does Not Determine Your Future
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to believe that what happened in the past is an indicator of what will happen in the future. You have free will choice and you can create a completely different future if you choose to do things differently.
We are so open about our past struggles because we each personally made a lot of mistakes and did the work to learn and grow from them. We share our personal journey to one another to offer you hope that your past does not have to determine your future.
Everyone has experienced heartbreak. It is one of the most common experiences that all humans share. Your heartbreak may feel unique and special to you, but we guarantee you that someone else has a similar story.
Look for love stories of people you know that inspire you. Focus on love in all of its forms. Keep your mind focused on what you are creating not what happened in the past. This will fuel you to keep going even when challenges come your way.
No matter your past, it’s over and done with. The way to start anew is by imagining a vision of the future you desire and then taking action steps toward creating it.
There Is No Limit On Love
There is no higher power doling out love deciding who gets it and who doesn’t. You didn’t meet some kind of imaginary quota; you have not used up a portion of love that was set aside for you. (It seems a bit silly when you think about it in this way, right?)
Love is who you are. You came into the world as the human embodiment of the energy of love and therefore, love is your birthright. You can never use it all up, or run out because the love you seek is inside of you.
Ultimately, you don’t get love from another person – you share love with them.
Just like we wrote earlier about your children, you didn’t have to ration your love so that you didn’t waste all of it on the first child, leaving none for the rest. Instead, as each child was born, your capacity for love continued to grow.
Find the limitless well of love inside of you. Share that love and it will grow and grow throughout your life.
Loving Someone Is Always A Risk
Not only is the future unknown, which is something you must come to terms with, you also have zero control over another individual.
If you want to commit yourself to someone but that person rejects you, there is nothing more you can do. If you believe that everything is working out for your highest good then you will discover the person you longed for was not an ideal match for you and that something better lies ahead.
Risking your heart does provide immense reward because only in partnership will you evolve and grow to live your purpose and truly be of service to others.
The foundation of a partnership provides so much more than just intimacy and friendship. It is the solid foundation that allows you to live up to your full potential. Many studies have shown that the ability to create and maintain loving relationships is the key to success in life.
If you are ready to grow the love inside of you and are looking for more tips, tools, and resources to create your soulmate, then join our Facebook Group “Common Sense About Love.” In this group, we host special events and you’ll receive exclusive access to us and a supportive community, all devoted to the idea of creating lasting love.
Love and Abundance,
Orna and Matthew Walters are TV’s favorite dating and relationship experts. They uncover subconscious blocks to love so that you can select an ideal partner to share your life with. Follow them on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.