This week’s question comes from Monalisa:
Hi Orna and Matthew,
I’m wondering if you think one has to look for love, or it will come when you are ready? Is it like work on yourself so you can allow it to find you, or do you have to actively go out there and look and try things?
I think you give the best dating advice for women and so I’m super curious how you will respond. Please pick my question to answer.
All the best!
Thank you for your question – and because you asked us to pick you – we did!
Love does not magically happen when someone is “ready.” Just like the dishwasher will not magically fix itself one day, or world peace will happen when you least expect it. Love operates under the same universal laws as everything else.
We find that the unrealistic fantasy that love will just happen when it’s “meant to be” is hogwash. The statistics about marriage prove that statement incorrect. Most people round up to say there is a 50% divorce rate. It’s actually 48% on first marriages. By 3rd marriages that number skyrockets to 75%!!!
So we don’t just get better at making love-last, or choosing the right partner for us by accident.
Working on yourself is important if you’re doing inner work. What we mean by that is that it’s not about changing your appearance, or what you wear. It’s not about these external parts of you. Instead, the inner work is focusing on the relationship you have with yourself.
When you drill down to the basics, we find this to be true: If you want more love in your life, than be more loving with yourself.
We say it like this; “It is the love you have for yourself that is reflected back to you in your Beloved’s eyes.”
You cannot receive from someone what you do not feel for yourself. You would reject any love that happens to show up that doesn’t align with your belief systems.
You won’t trust it. It would feel icky and weird.
It sounds like you have some fear around going out there and trying things. Step through that fear and take action. You’re not going to get a raise at your job if you never ask for it. You’re not going to lose 10 lbs. sitting at home visualizing yourself as thinner.
Why would you expect that love will just arrive one day without actually taking new actions?
Ultimately you have to do both. Create the space inside of you so that you are ready for love, and also take actions to make it happen for you!
When we met each other we were both actively dating both online and offline. We were both regularly going out to meet new people and being curious about those we met. We had also each done a lot of work to release limiting beliefs that had previously kept us stuck.
Step through that paper tiger of fear, and get out there and meet people! You never know who will show up for you. But we do know your Beloved won’t show up just by wishing for it to happen (plus he won’t find you if you’re staying at home every night).
If you are interested in starting this journey through one of our programs the best place to start is with The Soulmate Shortcut™. This link will send you to an in depth video that will explain much more than what we can share with you here.
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,