This week’s question comes from Andrea:
“Orna and Matthew,
Thank you for all that you do to help those dating after divorce get back out in the world and date. I’ve been single for the last five years and although I’ve had plenty of interesting experiences with men, I haven’t found my soulmate.
I really want to spend my life with “my man,” I just don’t know why I am having such a hard time finding him. I’m 47 and I’m in great shape. I’m successful in my life and I everyone I know would refer to me as “a catch!”
I really want to know what is in my way and so I’ve been looking through my past relationships and I cannot seem to find what you refer to as The Pattern.
All my relationships seem to be very unique. The guys are all very different and I cannot seem to figure out what you are hoping for me to see.
If there is no pattern am I stuck where I am without a relationship until I find one?
Thank you for your thoughtful question. The one thing we know for certain is that YOU are the common denominator in all of your relationships. YOU are the one who made a decision to enter into a relationship with each guy.
When we emphasize the importance of finding the pattern it is because you cannot change anything you are not aware of. Becoming aware of what has been for decades on autopilot is part of the process of unraveling the decisions that you made as a little girl about what is possible for you in love and intimate relationships.
Looking at the men you have been in relationship with makes it more difficult to find the commonalities, so let’s guide you in another direction and ask yourself the following questions:
- Who pursued who at the beginning?
- Who initiated the break up?
- Rate your level of attraction on a scale of 1-10.
Sometimes there are two distinct patterns that run through a person’s past history. The very last question will uncover if there are two patterns or just one.
As human beings we are complex and creative. You have been attempting to get what you want in love for most of your life – for decades even. So as you evolve so will your strategies.
Uncovering your strategies for giving and receiving love will give you huge insight into what limiting beliefs, blocks, and barriers to love you are carrying around.
Look for the commonalities within YOU – rather than your partners. This will reveal the pattern/s that are uniquely yours. Do you have an emotional pattern that plays out in your relationships? Is there a common strategy you use to get what you need from your partner? Do you have a behavioral strategy that shows up when you feel hurt or rejected? All of these questions can give you insight into your pattern.
We learn how to receive love in our family of origin. Based on the events that took place you made some decisions about yourself as a little girl. Another way to state this is that you assigned MEANING to those events.
These meaning are malleable – meaning they are changeable!
To be clear:
These meaning will not magically change one day, just on their own by accident.
No one can change these meanings for you.
Making changes of this magnitude requires commitment and dedication.
This is a perfect example of a TRANSFORMATION.
A transformation is very different than information.
When you have a transformative experience your conscious mind cannot go backwards and suddenly UN-have the experience.
Just like riding a bicycle – once you’ve learned how to do it, you cannot forget. It is experiential.
Learning to love a new way is just like that. You get to have a new experience. When you do, you cannot UN-have it. You cannot go backwards and pretend it never occurred.
If you are looking for us to guide you through this transformation you can do that in the comfort of your own home through our program The Soulmate Shortcut™.
The Soulmate Shortcut is our DIY program for identifying and transforming Your Love Imprint®. This is like the setting on your personal GPS For Love. Once you identify the settings there, you can create the changes you desire.
As it is a Do It Yourself program, your results are up to you. It will require you to take on a different perspective of how love “happens.” If you believe that love is simply a luck of the draw then this program is not for you.
If, however, you believe that you are the master creator of your life, this program will guide you to create what some people will think is a miracle.
Long-lasting, soul-satisfying love can be yours if you are willing to make the commitment to yourself to create it.
Order The Soulmate Shortcut™ by clicking the link below – you will be emailed access immediately to begin your journey to love – even if it’s 3:00am.
We are here to be your guides to love!
Love and Abundance,